Going sober is never easy. I know I failed a couple of times at first and I expect that holds true for a lot of people.
People think that once you get over the first few days that things get easy. And while it’s true that physically things get easier with time I would never call it easy – there are still mental challenges all the way.
A big thing to always be aware of is complacency and/or forgetfulness. You go so long without a beer that you start to forget just how bad your drinking was. You forget the issues it caused or you downplay the impacts they had to your life – to your health, your relationships and your wallet. After a while this thinking leads to thoughts like:
“Just a few drinks won’t hurt”
or
“I wasn’t that bad before so I won’t be that bad now”
The mind has a great way of making you forget just how bad things were. The longer you go without a drink the more you truly start to believe these things.
That is why I recommend that everyone writes themselves a letter. A letter from you now to you in the future (future-you). This letter should serve to remind future-you of the pains that alcohol brought into your life and detail the reasons why it would be unwise to go back to how you once were.
With that in mind here are some tips for how to write your own letter to your future self. Hopefully these help you to compose a letter that stops future you from relapsing.
Read this letter
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/352422-letter-my-future-self.html
This is a really fantastic letter that someone going by the username Mrrryah1 writes to their future self. In fact it was this very letter that made me write my own letter back when I first got sober.
Don’t sweat the grammar
You aren’t trying to get a passing grade in English Lit. This letter is just for yourself to read. Feel free to skip a comma or two.
Don’t sugar-coat anything
There’s no point in lying to yourself. In fact you want to be completely open and honest with yourself here. You need to remind future-you why they are sober in the first place.
In the future when you are reading this letter you may have forgotten or downplayed how you were feeling and what you were experiencing.
That’s why when you write this letter you need to be explicit in how drinking was affecting your life
Do include examples
Get specific in your letter.
“You spent a lot of money on drinking”
When you read that in the future it might not mean much to you. Like sure you probably spent some money; but how bad could it have been really!?
“In November 20XX you spent your entire paycheck in one day when you went to the bar and didn’t go home for 2 days”
Now that is specific. And I am sure we all have some specific tale we can tell. Whether it be how drinking affected our finances, our health or our relationships with others:
“You got out of breath trying to carry your kids to bed”
“You missed your anniversary dinner because you were in the pub”
Try and include as many of these as you can.
Show empathy
Even though this is you talking to future-you the letter still needs to show empathy. You need to appreciate that future-you will be reading this letter and might not be in a good space.
You need to therefore convey that you appreciate that they are currently in a difficult place but that they need to stick with it as it cannot be worse than the alternative.
Be direct
Empathy can only get you so far. Sometimes you need to be forceful to get your point across
“If you start drinking again you are going to die” – not a death threat!
The letter I wrote to myself actually calls me a dickhead. In hindsight this probably wasn’t the best thing to write as when I read it now I feel a bit aggrieved at past-me – ‘I’m trying my best why am I being so mean to myself’. Kind of makes me want to drink a little just to spite him. But I don’t.
But in fairness to past-me if I started drinking again I would be a bit of a dickhead so maybe he’s right.
So be understanding but also be firm. You are aware things might be difficult but under no circumstances is drinking again going to be the answer.
Share your letter
Once you’ve written your letter share it with those close to you. Could be your sponsor, or your partner. Or even just your close friend.
They will be able to read it from a fresh perspective and might be able to give you advice on things to include that will resonate with future-you
Sometimes those closest to us actually know us better than ourselves
Add to it every now and then
This isn’t a formal letter you are writing here. So it doesn’t really make a difference if you think of something later on and decide to tack on a P.S or a P.P.S or even a P.P.P.S. If you think it will help keep adding more and more.
Write a book for yourself if that’s what it takes.
Keep it close by
Once the letter is done and you are happy with its contents then keep it somewhere safe.
You want to be able to read it whenever you feel yourself slipping.
I keep mine alongside my relapse prevention plan and I read it whenever I have those nagging thoughts about drinking.
Have you written a letter to yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments below. We’d love to hear them.
Leave a Reply