One of the biggest concerns I had when I was first quitting drinking was that I would become boring. That life would become boring. That instead of going out and having fun my life would be endless AA meetings and sitting around in the house.
It’s easy to think like that when you think of how much our culture is centered around boozing.
Go out for a meal – wine pairing
Go to watch the game – in a bar
Quiz night – in a bar
Hell if you just wanted to meet up with friends you would go to a bar.
So its not surprising that when you quit drinking you feel like there is this whole world that is now inaccessible to you. And the people in that world are doing things that you want to do but can’t because there is drinking going on. You look at these people with envy.
You have FOMO
Contents
What is FOMO
FOMO = Fear of Missing Out
FOMO is that feeling you have when you know other people are having fun and you are not.
Ellen explains FOMO:
Social media is a big reason why so many of us have this constant fear that we’re missing out.
Scrolling through your Facebook feed you are likely to see all these great photos of all your friends and family living their lives. The great nights out, the picturesque vacation spots, the tickets to big events. All of these things instill a certain level of envy in us that we are not out there doing those things.
How is FOMO relevant to sobriety
FOMO can be even worse for those of us who are trying to live a sober life. Particularly those who are newly sober.
Seeing all of these people having fun – especially where booze is involved – will cause doubts. Doubts about whether going sober is really the right path for you.
And once those doubts start to creep in, the chances of a relapse start to increase.
So what can we do to deal with FOMO in a way that will help keep us on track?
Tips for Dealing with FOMO
Remember why you are doing this
It’s important to keep a list of reasons of why you are going sober (Health, Relationship, Money, etc.).
Whenever you see something that gives you FOMO just remember the reasons why you are MO (missing out).
Maybe you see on Instagram a picture of a night out your friends are on. Remind yourself why you stopped going on those nights out. If it was me I know that if I were to go on a night out, the night wouldn’t end when the clubs kicked out. No the night would only end when I ran out of money or I passed out.
If I see that my friends are going on a night out like that I remind myself of previous nights out where I was involved and immediately my FOMO has gone.
(also the pictures from a night out are never a true reflection of what happened anyway)
If something is happening that is giving you serious FOMO its best to just not hear about it until its done.
That’s why I recommend just ignoring it.
Avoid Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. Whatever social media sites your friends use to upload updates of their activities.
If you find you can’t trust yourself to ‘take a peak’ then use StayFocusd to block the sites from your computer. Similar software is available on all the major app stores for use on your phone also.
Turn off group notifications on your messaging apps until everyone is back home. Leave your phone on for calls in-case there is an emergency but there’s no need for you to be reading the 50 messages that all say “We are going to the next bar, where is everyone else?”.
Create your own non-drinking activities
There’s no reason why you should just sit in your house bored while everyone else is out having fun.
Just because you have stopped drinking doesn’t mean you have stopped having fun.
I’ve posted before about how hobbies are really important in quitting drinking. This is one of the times where they are especially important.
If you know an event or activity is coming up. Something that will entail a lot of drinking. And you know you cannot go for fear of a relapse. Then book something else for that day.
My friends go on weekends away where drinking is the number one pastime. They used to be my favorite trips to be honest. Now though with me not drinking it is incredibly boring for me to just sit around in a bar for a whole weekend. So I don’t go. Instead I book a separate weekend away for myself (and my SO) doing fun activities that do not require sitting indoors drinking all day.
Just last weekend we went to Dublin (super cheap flights out of NW England). I have been numerous times before but never sober. Seeing all the same places with a clear head was very refreshing.
Dublin is probably not the first city you would think of when you think of ‘sober fun’ but it really was. We caught a game of Gaelic Football in Croke Park, went to Dublin Zoo, did the touristy tour-bus through the city. It was a great weekend. No booze!
Social media is fake. As much as we like to kid ourselves that what we post is our real life deep down we know it isn’t.
Each post is just a highlight of that person’s day or life. A posed snapshot of the peak excitement. What is never shown is the boring, tedious shit that happens before or after the photo is taken.
That group photo in the bar. Not pictured is the public transport delays getting there, or the fact that each beer cost £6, or the standing around nodding to each other when the music is too loud, or the queueing in the rain for a taxi, or that one friend who gets sick or causes a fight, or or or.
I’m not saying the activities aren’t fun, I am just saying that social media makes them seem a whole lot more fun than they actually are.
So when you see your friends doing something fun. Just remember that it is probably not as much fun as social media is making out.
Just go and not drink
Easier said than done.
But not impossible.
Definitely do not attempt when you are still not comfortable in your sobriety.
But once you are comfortable. Then feel free to take part in any activities that you enjoy. Don’t let the fact that other people will be drinking hold you back from having fun.
You don’t need to drink alcohol to have a good time
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I mentioned before that my friends take weekend trips. Sometimes these trips are not just for drinking all the time. Well they are. But sometimes there is a sporting occasion or big event that is the center-point of the weekend. When this is the case I do not let the fact that there will be drinking stop me from going on these trips. Instead I go and enjoy the event sans the booze.
NOMO FOMO
No more fear of missing out.
What do you do when you get FOMO? Share with us in the comments below.
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