The 12 Steps

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives 
over to the care of God as we understood him.”

Step 3 can be a turning point for many AA members as it allows the opportunity to give away your control and realise that not everything can be managed by you – help is required. Of course, it can be a conflicting step for others, given the religious connotations of the original step. Nevertheless, step 3 is less about religion and more about the ability to relinquish control. 

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 3?

As mentioned briefly in the introduction, step 3 is all about relinquishing control. In the previous steps, you already accepted that you are powerless against your addiction. You also chose a higher power to inspire you and to give you hope, enabling you to stay sober. Step 3 gives you the opportunity to relinquish control to others, so you can accept help to cope with your addiction. 

How Do I Do Step 3?

There are a number of things that you will tackle during step three. However, these things can be divided into three more digestible steps. 

What is control? 

Many addiction sufferers feel out of control, but the ironic part of that is because they are trying to maintain control. They often attempt to tackle their addiction themselves, saying that they will do better tomorrow. Obviously, this no longer applies to you, because you already accepted that you are powerless against your addiction and that you will trust in a higher power.

The first thing to ask yourself as an addiction sufferer is if you have control over something that is triggering you or upsetting you. By answering this question, addiction sufferers can actually reduce their compulsion to resume their addiction. And many members will tell you that letting go of situations you cannot control, or change, can be the most freeing thing in the world.

Stay positive: 

An addiction can be connected to a lot of painful and difficult memories. As it can be difficult to cope with these, staying positive is important during step 3. In fact, keeping a positive mentality can prevent you from turning back to your addiction when things get touch. So, like the previous step, it helps reduce some of the strong urges you get during recovery.

Be open to help:

When you struggle with addiction, you most likely will have started a behavioural pattern that included hiding your addiction. As such, it was previously difficult to ask for help or speak to someone openly about your issues. During step 3, you should try to adopt an open attitude when it comes to help and support. 

As mentioned before, control is an issue for addiction sufferers. Seeking help is a form of relinquishing control, so it is understandable that this step is a difficult one for many sufferers. However, it is a vital step to eliminate earlier destructive behaviours and seek help to implement good and healthy behaviours. 

What Are The Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Like all the steps in the program, there are some pitfalls that sufferers can encounter. Here are some of the most common pitfalls for step 3 and how you can avoid them.

Frustration: Letting go of control is a difficult thing for the addiction sufferer. And many members tend to have some perfectionistic tendencies as well. So, when they are unable to relinquish control immediately, they often get frustrated and angry. 

Please note that frustration and anger can be triggers that lead back to addiction. Therefore, it is important to understand that relinquishing control is a process and to be kind to yourself when you struggle with this step. It takes a while for the human brain to form new neural pathways and to accept a new behavioural pattern as normal. In other words, accept that letting go of control can be a longer process for you than for someone else. 

For some, an excessive need of control can be due to underlying mental health problems. So, in some cases, additional psychological help can be sought to help reduce the urge for control and set the addiction sufferer further on the path to recovery. Of course, in order to do so, you must work on your willingness to seek and accept help from others. Since this is something that is done in step 3, many members seek additional help and support during this particular step if mental health issues are a concern. Of course, you are in no way obligated to do so.

Hiding weakness: Letting go of control can make you encounter some bad memories. Addiction may have suppressed those memories in the past, or even created some new ones. Therefore, feeling urges and falling off the wagon is not completely uncommon. If this should happen to you, it is important to own up to your mistakes during your AA meeting or with a trusted family member or friend.

Evidently, not all mistakes are about giving in to your addiction. Sometimes, it could be trying to control certain situations, your household, or other things you may not have control over. So, owning up to things could be anything from falling back into controlling behaviours to having an exceptionally difficult time of it. 

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 4?

Since step 3 is all about relinquishing control and starting to deal with some of the bad memories that ruled your addiction, it is not uncommon for members to take a little longer with step 3. It is not uncommon for some members to return to this particular step, and there is no shame in that.

You will be ready for step 4 if you feel like you are in the position to accept help comfortably. Other positive signs of completing step 3 include no longer feeling the need to control absolutely everything in your life and finding it a little easier to open up about any problems you had during a certain period of time. 

Remember, step 3 is all about letting go of control and keeping a positive attitude during your recovery. There can be wobbles during this time, as you will have to face some memories you did not want to face before. But once you let go of control, the path to recovery becomes a whole lot clearer.

“We came to be aware that a Power greater 
than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

Most AA members feel rather helpless when they get to step 2; this is due to the fact they had to admit that their addiction had become unmanageable during step 1. Of course, this does make it possible to move toward step 2 and toward recovery. But how does step 2 work and why is it so important that members accept how unmanageable their addiction had become?

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 2?

Step 2 is all about acknowledging a higher power and trusting that higher power to inspire you to remain sober. Evidently, this is not a step that is as straightforward for everyone, as not everyone believes in God. There are alternative wordings to step 2 though, so the most important thing is finding something that inspires you to stay sober. 

It is important to know that step 2 stands in close connection with step 1. After all, you first have to admit that your problem is no longer manageable and so you are able to put your trust into a spiritual plane. In other words, this step contributes to your understanding that you need help. 

How Do I Do Step 2?

During step 2, you must think about something that will inspire you to stay sober. For some people, this could be a higher power such as God. For non-religious people, it could be something as simple as their ideal self or the wisdom of other people in recovery. It is quite important that this higher power works for you personally, as this helps you accept and trust the process. 

When you are not religious, step 2 can be a little more difficult. There is sufficient help available at your AA meeting, enabling you to find the right “higher power” for you. Attending the meetings can also give you some ideas from other AA members. 

If you implement step 2, make sure that you keep your mind open to new ideas and advice from others. Remember, it is all about accepting the idea that your addiction cannot be controlled; this also includes all the urges and feelings that accompany them. 

What Are Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

There are some common pitfalls you can encounter with step 2. Here is an overview of the most common pitfalls, and how you can avoid them during your recovery journey. 

Not finding your higher power: As briefly mentioned already, people who are not religious can find step two the most difficult. When you struggle with addiction, it can be difficult to find this higher power if you do not believe in God. Of course, there have been other AA members in the same position and who have successfully found that higher power.

When it comes to finding your higher power, it is important not to choose something just because it worked for another member. It needs to be something you genuinely believe in. And while this may be difficult to start with, you should certainly take your time to find something that suits your personality and your personal beliefs. 

Not completing step 1: Truly accepting that your addiction is uncontrollable and has affected your life negatively is a difficult step, but more than necessary to move onto step 2. In fact, you must complete step 1 in order to be able to start step 2. 

Saying that you accepted that your addiction is out of control is one thing, but honestly believing it and knowing this in your heart is something completely different. If you complete step 1 and still believe you have some degree of control over your addiction means that you have not completed step 1.

It is not uncommon for members to take a little longer on step 1, especially those who suffered with addiction for a long time. This is a hard reality to accept, but necessary for healing to take place. 

Depression: Many addiction sufferers have a history of mental illness. While this is not the case for everyone, some members have experienced depression, anxiety, burn-out, bipolar disorder, and other mental health problems. Unfortunately, existing mental health problems can influence your recovery.

One of the most dominant mental health problems that can have a negative impact on step 2 is depression. When you suffer from depression, it is difficult to trust into a higher power, let alone finding inspiration to stay sober. If you have a history of depression, there are some additional treatment avenues you could take that coincide with your addiction recovery.

While depression is a common mental health problem, many members never realised they struggled with depression in the past. In fact, some turn to addiction to cope with feelings of depression, and only discover there is another problem when going into recovery. 

Recognising depression is vital for step 2, especially when you need to find something to inspire you other than God. If you struggle finding a higher power because of depression, be sure to ask for additional support if you need it. After all, it is better to seek help than to give up on the process. And since step 2 is about finding a higher power that gives you hope and inspiration, it is certainly a step that could help depression sufferers greatly.

How Will I Know I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 3?

Before you can move onto step 3, it is vital to have a higher power you can put your hope into. Something or someone to inspire you and give you hope when it gets difficult and tough. Something you can hand over your problems to and trust in them. If you believe you have found this higher power and truly believe in it, then you will be ready to move onto step 3.

Please remember that both step 1 and step 2 must be mastered before heading over to step 3. If you believe you have not fully accepted that you are powerless against your addiction, then you may have to return to step 1. 

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol
that our lives had become unmanageable.”

This is the start of your journey to recovery. It is not uncommon to feel nervous or anxious starting this first step, but you might also feel a little excited about the prospect of changing your life. Now, we will explain how step one works and how you can avoid some of the common pitfalls that can be encountered during this step. Feel free to read this step in your own time and take some time to process all the information. 

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 1?

During the first step, it is important for the addiction sufferer to admit there is a problem. While this may sound like a straightforward step, you will find that it can be a little harder than you thought. After all, nobody wants to admit that an addiction took over their life. Nevertheless, this is the step that puts you on the pathway to permanent change.

How Do I Do Step 1?

There are a number of ways in which you can follow step one. This is an overview of common things AA members do for step one.

Speak at your AA meeting: During an AA meeting, you will get the opportunity to state your name and admit you are an addict. Obviously, this can be a scary step for many people, but do not hesitate to seek support from a sponsor or a counsellor to help you make that first step.

Speak out when tempted: When you feel like you are about to give into your addiction again, it is vital to let someone in your AA group know. The truth is that you will be tempted during your recovery, so having that support to prevent this from happening is vital to your success.

Sponsors and counsellor: Support is a vital part of addiction recovery, so having the support of an AA sponsor, counsellor or psychologist is important too. This is where you pick up strategies and techniques to stop the addiction and cope with temptation. 

A sponsor you trust in is often more important than everything else, mainly because this person has been through a similar addiction situation and can therefore provide you with first-hand advice. So, do not feel afraid to speak to your sponsor if you feel your addiction taking over.

Tell someone: When you do give into addiction, do not try to hide it from your sponsor or other people who are trying to support you. Many members feel ashamed if they do slip up, but this is one of the pitfalls of recovery. Telling someone and admitting to what happened is the best course of action and will help you stay on your path to recovery. 

What Are The Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Since step one is the beginning of a recovery journey, it is not uncommon for members to encounter some pitfalls. Of course, many people have gone through the program before, which enables us to identify those pitfalls and share them with new members in the hope to avoid them.

Hiding addiction relapses: Some members who slip back into addiction can find it difficult to admit their mistake. However, hiding a relapse can only make matters worse, as you will not have the support you actually need. It is therefore important to talk about your relapse, even if you think you have control over it.

Not reaching complete acceptance: Accepting the fact that addiction ruled your life is difficult and some members do not accept this immediately. By not acknowledging the power of alcohol or drugs over you, you are not fully committed to the recovery program. It is vital to recognise just how big of a problem addiction is in your life before even considering heading to step two.

Shame: We already explained how many people hide the fact they are an addict, as guilt and shame prevent them from speaking up. Unfortunately, this is a common pitfall of addiction in more ways than one. During this step, it is vital to overcome your own feelings of shame and guilt to admit there is a problem and that you submit to the process.

Environment: Many people who struggle with addiction can end up in an environment that keeps on fuelling that addiction. For example, it is not uncommon for a drug user to seek out the company of other drug users. This environment is often kept in place because it serves as a supply chain for your addiction, and needless to say, such an environment can be a serious pitfall for your recovery.

Finding the right support is vital throughout your recovery. Obviously, some environments are more difficult to get out of, especially for someone suffering from addiction. If you do find yourself struggling because of addiction, it is vital to speak to a sponsor or a counsellor and search for ways to get out of this environment safely and build a safer life for yourself. 

Lack of practice: Accepting the fact that addiction took over your life is not just a single event. Much like the entire twelve-step program, it is very much a journey. Therefore, it is vital to practice acceptance. This does not only apply to accepting that addiction took over your life, but also that you cannot change things you cannot control. Some things are beyond your power and learning how to deal with that aspect of life is an integral part of anyone’s recovery.  Your sponsor can also provide you with helpful tips on how to practice acceptance.

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 2?

Once a person acknowledges that addiction had a negative impact on many different aspects of their life – and that they cannot control this addiction – step two can commence. Since step one is all about acknowledging the problem and getting ready to seek help, these two things must be achieved before step two can be successful. In other words, members must acknowledge that they are powerless over their addiction and that this addiction has become unmanageable.

It is not uncommon for non-religious addiction sufferers to go to the AA. Nowadays, small adjustments can be made in the wording of the twelve steps, making them more applicable to your personal situation. Of course, there are also some alternatives to the AA if you feel like the twelve-step program is not right for you. Let’s address the issues non-religious AA members can experience as well as the alternatives for these members.

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is The History Of The 12 Steps As It Pertains To “God”?

The history of the twelve steps can be traced back to evangelist movements from the early 1900s. Bill Wilson, one of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, found his sobriety within the Oxford Group. Evidently, this influence has had an effect on the wording of the twelve steps and their apparent connection to god. 

Can Non-Religious Addiction Sufferers Join The AA?

Yes. While the wording of the original twelve-step plan does include the word “god”, it does not mean that non-religious members are excluded completely. Depending on the group you go too, some changes can be made to the wording of each of the steps to make them more applicable to you. 

There are lots of alternatives to the traditional twelve steps. The following alternative sentences were created by Gabe S (A Higher Power of my Understanding). Here are a couple of examples of how the wording of the steps can be changed to meet your personal beliefs:

1. We admitted we could not control our drinking, nor do without it, that our lives had become unmanageable. 
2. We came to believe that others who had had or understood our problem could help us return to and maintain sanity.
3. We decided to accept what they said and act on their suggestions. 
4. We made a searching inventory of our bad feelings, of those aspects of our own character that had contributed to these and of the harms we had done. We noted occasions where we had done well and were glad of these. 
5. We showed the inventory to at least one other person and discussed it with them. 
6. We accepted our moral and personal weaknesses and accepted that they needed to change.
7. We became willing to admit those weaknesses to others, where appropriate, and to heed any advice that they might offer. 
8. We became willing to make amends to those we had harmed. 
9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 
10. We continued to take personal inventory, when we were wrong promptly admitted it and when we had done well, recognized this. 
11. We adopted a practice of meditation and one of reflection upon our place in the world and how we could contribute to it. 
12. Having experienced a psychic change as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

What Are The Alternatives To The AA?

There are many potential avenues you can take to seek help and support. Below, we will explain each one in more detail.

SMART Recovery: SMART Recovery is one of the better-known alternatives to the AA. It is a charity that focuses on choice,  which means a large element of this organisation is self-help guided. However, this charity also works with treatment programs and other charities across the globe to provide the most suitable care to members. 

CBT: When people talk about CBT, they are pretty much talking about conventional talking therapy. This type of therapy can be obtained from private psychologists or one of the many recovery charities. Common charities that provide CBT to local residents include Mind and Steps 2 Change – you should perform a search for your local area to see what is available..

Medical Establishment (i.e your GP/Primary Care Physician): In some cases, additional treatment with medication can be required for some addiction sufferers. For examples, those withdrawing from persistent heavy alcohol usage often need specialist medication to help reduce the severe side-effects of detox. The first port of call to get access to this kind of treatment is your GP or primary care physician. This kind of help is often combined with talking therapy such as CBT. 

NA: Those who suffer from a drug addiction are welcome in the AA, but there are some alternatives for drug addicts specifically. One of those alternatives is the NA or Narcotics Anonymous. This group holds meetings across the world and is quite similar to the AA where methods are concerned. 

Rational Recovery: Interestingly, this group used to be a part of SMART Recovery. However, there were some issues surrounding the recovery meetings, as this group believes that some fellowship meetings promote addict identity. It also needs to be said that this particular group has been extremely critical of the twelve steps. Nevertheless, this option has worked for people, so it is worth mentioning here.

Do The Alternatives Actually Work?

Addiction is most certainly within the framework of mental health problems. As you probably know already, mental health problem recovery is not a one-size fits all. Certain people respond to specific treatments better than others. This is why it is important to choose something that fits you as a person.

Doing some research into the various options available can help you narrow down your choices. We also recommend finding a group or a charity that is easy to get to in terms of meetings, as you do not want to be discouraged when you have a difficult day. Fortunately, these organisations tend to be represented well, so you should be able to find a local organisation that fits you.

We understand that making first contact is the hardest step. If you feel a little hesitant about going to a meeting or even contacting an organisation, why not try an email first and write down how you are feeling? Once you make this step, the rest will follow.