The 12 Steps

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed,
and became willing to make amends to them all.”

During step seven, you learned how to stop repeating unhelpful and destructive behaviours and to adopt healthier and helpful behaviours. You will build upon this decision during step 8, because this is the time where you will determine who you have harmed during your addiction. 

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 8?

Step eight involves identifying those you have hurt while you struggled with your addiction. Evidently, confronting that reality can be challenging for most, so it is important to keep seeking additional support if you find yourself triggered during step eight. 

How Do I Do Step 8?

There are several things involved in step eight. To ensure you have a full grasp on this step and how to execute it, we have described this step in a little more detail.

Determine how you hurt people: When you suffer from addiction, it is not uncommon to hurt many people in the process. Of course, hurting people can take many different forms. You could have stolen from a family member, you could have lied, or maybe you lashed out emotionally at those who tried to help you while you were an addiction sufferer?

One of the first things to do is to determine how you hurt people. This particular action will also give insight into yourself and could potentially bring to light more triggers. By determining how you have hurt people, you can also return to step seven if new behaviours come to light that you wish to avoid in the future. 

Make a list: Once you have determined how you have hurt people during your addiction, it is essential to make a list detailing all of these people and the ways in which they were impacted by your actions. This can be quite confronting, as the list can be long for most addiction sufferers. 

There is a reason why you make this list though. Not only will this benefit the relationships you have damaged along the way, it also teaches you some valuable lessons about yourself. Only by learning these lessons can you move on and avoid such behaviours in the future.

What Are Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Much like with the other steps in the twelve-step program, there are some common pitfalls for step eight. Firstly, the twelve-step program can be a confronting one, as it does show some of the bad sides of yourself. Since humans naturally try to avoid discomfort, it is easy to encounter some pitfalls during step eight. However, we have lined up some tips for you on how to avoid them.

Do not get defensive: One of the most common pitfalls in step eight is trying to minimize your role by becoming defensive. Instead of looking at the faults in yourself, it is all too easy to find fault in others. So, do not blame people for how they treated you, seek forgiveness for others so that you can forgive yourself.

Look beyond the obvious: During step eight, you will discover some more flaws within yourself. During the previous steps, you already determined some of the more obvious flaws and triggers, but step eight may unearth some deeper and more complex flaws. Looking a little deeper into those can only benefit your recovery in the long term.

Do not judge: Character flaws and defects play a large role when you make a list of those you have hurt. Judging yourself and others too harshly will not get you far. If you judge yourself for the past, you can never profoundly move on from the things you have done. While it is vital to recognise the wrongs you have done, judging yourself over and over again will have the opposite effect. So, it is also important to forgive yourself now that you are making changes.

In addition to not judging yourself, you should also not judge others. It is easy to be critical of people in your environment. Some even start with the mistaken belief that other people are responsible for their addiction. Forgiving others and not judging other people is just as important as not judging yourself.

Mistaken beliefs: Some addiction sufferers claim that their addiction did not hurt anyone, but this is never the case. This is a phenomenon often referred to as “purposeful forgetting” within the AA. 

When you refuse to make yourself vulnerable and tackle all the steps with honesty, it is unlikely that the steps will be effective for you. Honesty and vulnerability are the cornerstones of the program, so by stating you have hurt nobody with your addiction you would be “purposefully forgetting”. It is essential to look deep within yourself and go far beneath the surface of your addiction. 

Obviously this step can be difficult, so do seek support from a trusted person if you find you are struggling to cope with some of the memories or character flaws that you will unearth. 

If you experience signs of severe depression or suicidal thoughts during your recovery, please mention this to someone as soon as possible. If you need to contact someone urgently, there are numerous services where you can seek help.

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 9?

Once you have been honest with yourself and created a list of the people you have hurt, you are well on your way towards step nine. It is important though to take the time you need, especially if you find more character flaws you did not discover in step seven. If this is the case, it can be a good idea to return to step seven and go through the step again to uncover more about the character defect you have found. 

When you feel you have been honest about the people you hurt and your list is complete, you can move onto step nine. Do not forget to specify how you have hurt the people on your list, as this provides you with valuable information about yourself.

“Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.”

Step seven works closely upon step six, as it is all about removing those character defects you discovered and acknowledged in the previous step. It is about letting go of those character defects and creating more helpful and positive behaviour patterns. Today, we explain in a little more detail on how you do this in step seven.

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 7?

AA members will find that step seven is all about personal change. It involves letting go of the character defects that have influenced your life negatively. 

While you will ask your higher power to remove your shortcomings, it does not mean that you do not have to work on it. After all, character defects will not disappear from one day to the next. 

When doing step seven, you become more aware of the new choices you are making. Instead of repeating old and unhelpful behavioural patterns, you will be making new ones.

How Do I Do Step 7?

Exacting the previous six steps properly is vital to execute step seven well. After all, the previous steps help you to remove and acknowledge unhelpful behaviours from the past, including denial and lying. 

To execute step seven, you must humbly ask your higher power to remove your shortcomings. In addition to that, you will also start to change your previously unhelpful behaviours into something more positive. Here are some of the common actions taken by recovering addiction sufferers during step seven.

Catch yourself: When you are more familiar with your character defects, it becomes much easier to detect them as they happen. During step seven, you will attempt to catch your previously unhelpful behaviours and stop them in their tracks. Sometimes reactions are involuntary as they are ingrained in your psyche, so be sure to pay additional attention if something feels all too familiar. 

Compassion: During step seven, it is also vital to have some compassion for yourself and for others. While you are tackling your character defects, compassion for yourself and other people is something you will re-learn. 

Boundaries: Step seven also involves setting boundaries for your environment. For example, you will choose not to interact with people or situations of which you know are triggers. If contact with certain triggers cannot be avoided for whatever reason, then you set some clear boundaries in place. For example, if someone is making your feel guilty for going through the recovery program, then you must put in boundaries and set your boundaries with this person. If this person makes a request from you that you are not comfortable with for example, you catch yourself, set boundaries, and say no.

What Are Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Step seven involves confronting and actually tackling a lot of unhelpful behaviours, and this can be quite difficult for many AA members. Needless to say, this is also an especially important step to maintain sobriety in the future. So, here are a couple of the pitfalls to be aware of while doing step seven.

Not coping with emotional discomfort: Emotional discomfort is quite common during step seven. It is human instinct to fight or avoid emotional discomfort, especially when attempting to make changes in terms of character defects. During step seven, it is important to confront emotional discomfort and learn to cope with it in a healthier manner. During this, it is important to seek additional support if you need it.

Patience: Much like the other steps in the twelve-step program, change does not happen overnight. It is important to realise that changes will happen gradually and that these take time to become a habit. Therefore, keep paying attention during step seven and catch yourself if routine comes back in terms of previously unhelpful behavioural patterns.

Perfectionism: There is no such thing as perfection because the simple truth is that nobody is perfect. The same applies to trying to change unhelpful behaviour. If you are trying to change unhelpful behaviour, you will not be completely successful from the start. You will catch yourself thinking unhelpful thoughts, or maybe you did an unhelpful behaviour out of habit. The most important thing is to catch yourself and make the changes regularly. Doing so will set new patterns and create permanent changes. In short, there is no such thing as doing step seven perfectly. However, there is such a thing as putting in time and effort for success. 

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 8?

During step seven, you developed new helpful habits and behaviours. You also said goodbye to the character defects that had a major negative impact on your life.

You know when you are ready for step eight when you make a comparison. Basically, you will compare the person you are now to the person you were when you were in the throes of addictive behavioural patterns. Take note of the journey you have taken and the immense changes you see in yourself.

For your personal evaluation, it can help you to write down some of the changes you noticed in yourself during step seven, but also the rest of the steps you went through. If you struggle to put things into words, you can also have a conversation with a trusted person. 

Once again, it is vital that you realise that permanent change happens over time and with repetition. So, once you move away from step seven, it does not mean you no longer focus on catching and changing unhelpful behaviours. Instead, you will keep on maintaining step seven throughout your life, this prevents the formation of new unhelpful behaviours and minimizes potential addiction triggers in the future.

If you are unsure whether or not to move onto step eight, getting some additional support is not a bad idea. Have a conversation with someone at your AA group, or maybe confess to your higher power if there are some things you struggle with. You can also write some things down to see if you need to spend a little longer on step seven. And that’s okay!

“We became willing to ask God to help us remove our defects of character.”

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

During the previous step, you confessed some of your worst memories and actions to a higher power or to another person. With step six, it is time to decide to let go of your character flaws and your hurtful memories. Now, we will explore how this is done. 

What Is Step 6?

In the previous steps, you acknowledged a lot of your character flaws and the hold the addiction had on your life. You also started to look at your shortcomings in an honest way, which paves the way to step number six. 

During step six, you ask your higher power to remove the character flaws that have influenced your life negatively. Like most of the steps in the twelve-step program, this is a process that takes time. Therefore, it is not uncommon for addiction sufferers to return to this step more than once, or simply take a bit of extra time to complete it. 

How Do I Do Step 6?

Since you acknowledged your character defects in the previous steps, you will now move onto letting go of those character defects. After all, not doing so could lead you to repeat character defects over and over again.

For some, it can help to create a list of the character flaws you have acknowledged during the previous steps. Write each of these character defects down and describe them as much as you can. Ideally, you should write down how this character defect influences your behaviour in the past. It should also show you how the defect influenced people in your environment. Once you have described the defect in the most detail, you can start writing down what your life would be like if you did not have this character defect. 

Another way to execute step six is to create affirmations based on your character defect list. Basically, it means you create affirmations to negate past negative behaviour. For example, if your addiction caused you to lie to your family members or friends, a good affirmation could be “I will be honest from now on”. 

Affirmations are only successful if they are repeated regularly. Ideally, you want to repeat at least five positive affirmations in the morning and the evening. Repeating these out loud in front of the mirror has also shown to be quite effective for the formation of new neural pathways. 

In conclusion, step six is all about recognising your character defects and starting to believe you can change. It is also about being honest because some of your defects might actually give you pleasure. By looking at the defect from a neutral point-of-view, you can break through some of the mistaken beliefs you have acquired during the course of your addiction. 

Surrendering is also a key to step six. As mentioned in step one, control is something that rules the life of many addicts and that it is important to release that control – or to acknowledge that some things were never in our control to begin with. Step six is another great exercise in giving up control, because you are willing to acknowledge your character defects and do something about them.

What Are The Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Since you will be facing your character flaws once more in step six, you will find that your overall psyche can be quite resistant to change. As such, there are numerous pitfalls you can encounter but could also successfully avoid.

Not enough repetition: When it comes down to character defects, it is often something that is embedded inside a person for a long period of time. Evidently, the more you repeat bad behaviour, the more it is ingrained. Therefore, repetition is vital to gain the most from step six. 

Do not beat yourself up: You do not have to do things perfectly right away. Only by repeating your affirmations and making changes consistently will you be able to eliminate some of the character defects that affected your life negatively. It is important not to beat yourself up if a change you made does not work immediately. For example, you may find it difficult to open up to people and tell yourself that you will start to do so. If you cannot do this immediately, this is completely normal. Change takes time, and this certainly applies with turning character defects around.

Giving into fear: Since step six involves confronting some of the negative parts of your character that have plagued your life, it can be very confronting and obviously many people have some reservations about making those changes. Fear plays a major role into this, as changing current behaviour can feel uncomfortable and unnatural to you. However, it is vital to break through any fear you experience to come out the other end. 

Do not see yourself as defective: Having character defects does not mean you are a “defective” person. Evidently, this mistaken belief can often lead to depression and anxious thoughts among addiction sufferers. It does not mean however that you are aware of your character defects and are willing to make a change. Never does it make you defective or untreatable. You are deserving, so it is more about putting yourself first by being honest about your character defects, opposed to letting yourself being suppressed by them. 

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 7?

As you may expect already, step six does take a little time to go through. Before you can move onto step seven, you must acknowledge your character flaws and be willing to change them. Ideally, you have started to change them already by using affirmations and choosing different behaviours to promote the development of more helpful character traits. 

Before you move onto step seven, it is also important to be proud of the victory you have obtained during step six and acknowledge that you are making good progress. It is also important to keep remembering that your recovery is a journey with its ups and downs, so you should revisit step six if you feel there are still some unresolved character flaws you need to work on.

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another
 human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

Step five is all about confession. While this step is connected to confession to God, this does not need to be the case for non-religious members. Next, we will clarify the alternatives to God for confession and how you implement this step successfully. 

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 5?

As mentioned in the introduction, step five is all about confession. It can be about confessing your wrong to God, but also another person depending on your religious beliefs. Consequently, this step requires taking the personal inventory of your wrongs from Step 4 and confessing them honestly and truthfully here in Step 5.

Step five has a number of goals. Firstly, it reduces common problems associated with addiction such as anxiety, depression, and irritability, which are often caused by hiding your flaws on a long-term basis. As a result, you reintegrate in regular society and can start socialising with your environment normally. 

How Do I Do Step 5?

To execute step five properly, it is important to confess some of your most distressing memories. While many religious members choose to confess to God, other members prefer to confess to another person such as their sponsor or another trusted person in their environment (close friend or family). 

It is important to be as honest as you can during step five. While speaking about embarrassing and distressing memories is difficult, speaking about them honestly will enable your journey forward and promote your recovery. 

During step five, it is completely normal to be vulnerable. Obviously, this is not an easy step for many people, especially after years of believing you were in control. However, there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable. In fact, it is required to confess properly and will only benefit your recovery down the road.

Finally, if you confess to another person, then it is likely that person will provide you with some advice on how to move forward. It is important to keep an open mind during this process. Be accepting towards advice and consider it truthfully and honestly.

Please note that you are not obligated to confess to another person (of course you’re not obligated to do any of this if you don’t think it is right for you – take what you need and leave the rest behind). If you have placed your trust in a higher power, it is more than enough to tell this higher power. Of course, some people prefer to make their confession to another person. At the end of the day, it is all about what is right for you.

What Are The Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Every step has its pitfalls, and it is the same for step five. Here are some of the most common pitfalls you can encounter and how you can avoid them. 

Personal reservations: Many people feel hesitant about confessing because they wrongfully believe that they will be judged for their past actions. Because of these reservations, they often leave important parts of their confessions out. Consequently, this means that certain memories can still be a trigger or cause substantial guilt down the line. Therefore, it is vital to let go of reservations completely.

Fear: One of the biggest obstacles during step five is fear. This fear can take on many forms. It can be fear to reveal memories that are very embarrassing to you personally. It can also be fear to be judged (as mentioned previously), or a fear to confront certain memories head on. 

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions a human being can experience. Evidently, this can also bring other problems such as anxiety and depression. If fear is an issue that is hindering your progress, it is essential to speak someone about it. There is additional help available for those who struggle from fear-related mental health issues, which may have to be tackled in order for you to move forward confidently and clearly. While it is not the case for everyone, self-knowledge is the best course forward.

Self-esteem: During the confession step, you will undoubtedly encounter issues with your own self-esteem. And this is one of the things you will be working on during step five as well, as confession helps you rebuild your value in yourself. You learn that you are worthy of forgiveness, so this is one of the things you will need to tackle during step five.

For many members, it helped them to confess to another person. This because confessing to another person often gave them an audible validation of their feelings. While those choosing to only confess to God can do so, it can certainly be helpful to confess to another person as well. 

Addiction sufferers should know that building self-esteem takes time. So, while step five will help build your self-esteem, it is important to know that building self-esteem is a process that you must keep investing time in. 

The train station: A helpful technique that could counter some of the common pitfalls of step five could be the train station technique. If you struggle during step five, you should see it as a train station, where you drop all your hurtful memories and past experiences at the station. This enables you to take a new train to a relaxing destination, leaving all the unhelpful baggage behind. For those who struggle with any of the pitfalls, implementing the train station technique can provide them with some strength.

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 6?

It is usually a good idea to ask yourself some questions before you move onto step six. Ask yourself if you forgot to confess something, this is often the case with some of the most difficult memories. Nevertheless, it is important to confess everything and get rid of all that baggage before you move on. 

You are ready to move on if you confessed your most difficult memories. Signs of success also include no longer clinging on previous memories or thoughts that are no longer helpful to you. It is also a positive sign if you see how step five had a positive influence on your life overall, and that you have now started building your self-esteem again.

“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”

The three previous steps are difficult for most addiction sufferers, but once you complete them you get to step 4. This step is designed to help you tackle many of the underlying problems that may have led to addiction and to do so by yourself. In other words, this is a journey of self-discovery.

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 4?

This step is all about discovering the underlying reasons why an addiction started, but also what kept it going. It is also one of the most important steps to prevent addiction sufferers to fall back into old destructive behaviours. 

How Do I Do Step 4?

During step 4, you will write down your moral inventory. The moral inventory has a number of goals, but the most important goal is to uncover negative thoughts, emotions, and even actions that have dominated your life. 

As you can imagine, this means you will face some painful memories during step 4. During the previous step, you showed a willingness to face those emotions and to seek help. Step 4 actually takes you along this process.

When you take your moral inventory, you will look at certain tendencies you may have. These “tendencies” can be a trigger for your addiction, but it can also keep it in place. So, writing down your moral inventory honestly and completely is vital to get to the root of the problem.

So, what are these tendencies exactly? Well, taking your moral inventory often involves looking at your tendencies for the following behaviours. 

• Fear
• Pride
• Anger and resentment
• Self-pity and willpower
• Guilt and shame
• Relationships
• Sex and potential abuse
• Secrets
• Assets 

As you can tell from the list of tendencies, you will be looking at a lot of negative things. But the last section is important too because that is where you start to look at your strengths or assets. 

You will determine your tendencies by looking at past events that had a profound impact on you. It could be a relationship breakup, the loss of a job, or even abuse in your childhood. Dealing with these memories and showing your tendencies for negative behaviours as a result of those can break the cycle of addiction. 

A good way to begin your moral inventory is by thinking of certain places and people. These could have created both positive and negative memories for you, so they are a great and general way to start. Once this goes well, you can move to things that lay a little deeper; this even includes your personal beliefs and some of the negative feelings they create towards others and situations.

What Are Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Since you will be dealing with some unpleasant memories and thoughts, there are some common pitfalls to consider during this process. 

Do not overanalyse: When you write down your moral inventory, it is all too easy to start analysing everything you are writing down and this can create a vicious cycle. While you should write down everything as accurately and thoroughly as possible, you should not analyse everything you are writing down too much. Try to strike a healthy balance.

Avoidance: It is not uncommon for addiction sufferers to avoid writing down their moral inventory during this step, as it can deal with some difficult issues. It is also not uncommon to write down only things you are ready to face, leaving out some of the more important and more painful ones. However, avoiding writing down your entire moral inventory will not sever the bond between your bad memories and your addiction. Therefore, it is vital that you write down all your negative thoughts and memories so you can face them. 

Not getting support: When you deal with difficult emotions, it can be difficult to put them on paper. During this difficult step, some additional support could be useful; this especially applies to those who have been avoiding writing down all their negative memories and thoughts. If this is the case for you, it helps to speak to an AA member who has done this step in the past. By telling you how the step helped them, it could make things a little easier for you. 

Humans attempt to avoid uncomfortable feelings as much as they can, and this is also the problem with addiction. We seem to be hard wired to try to not have to deal with the uncomfortable feelings. In the previous steps, you learned that it is important to be open to support and seek it when you need it. Step 4 is certainly one of the steps where this is more important than with other steps. 

AA members can feel rather uncomfortable and even fearful during the creation of their moral inventory. Please remember to seek out help at your AA meeting or from another trusted person if some of the memories are triggering old behaviours. You do not have to reveal the event in question if you feel uncomfortable to do so, sometimes it is enough to just talk about the struggles you have facing these negative emotions, feelings, or events.

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 5?

Moving on from step 4 requires some careful consideration and reflection. You must have written down all your negative thoughts, memories, and past events to be able to face them later. You should also have discovered all your tendencies towards specific negative behaviours, which enables you to cope with them and avoid new triggers in the future.

It is important not to rush step 4. Since there is a lot to deal with, it can take addiction sufferers a little longer to put those uncomfortable feelings and emotions on paper. It is vital to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you were truly honest with your moral inventory. If there is something you did not put down yet or examined, it is time to re-examine your moral inventory before moving onto step five. 

While this is a challenging step for many, it can also be one of the most freeing. In fact, this is a turning point for many people in the 12-step program.