Step 3 AA – Are You Ready To Relinquish Control?

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives 
over to the care of God as we understood him.”

Step 3 can be a turning point for many AA members as it allows the opportunity to give away your control and realise that not everything can be managed by you – help is required. Of course, it can be a conflicting step for others, given the religious connotations of the original step. Nevertheless, step 3 is less about religion and more about the ability to relinquish control. 

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 3?

As mentioned briefly in the introduction, step 3 is all about relinquishing control. In the previous steps, you already accepted that you are powerless against your addiction. You also chose a higher power to inspire you and to give you hope, enabling you to stay sober. Step 3 gives you the opportunity to relinquish control to others, so you can accept help to cope with your addiction. 

How Do I Do Step 3?

There are a number of things that you will tackle during step three. However, these things can be divided into three more digestible steps. 

What is control? 

Many addiction sufferers feel out of control, but the ironic part of that is because they are trying to maintain control. They often attempt to tackle their addiction themselves, saying that they will do better tomorrow. Obviously, this no longer applies to you, because you already accepted that you are powerless against your addiction and that you will trust in a higher power.

The first thing to ask yourself as an addiction sufferer is if you have control over something that is triggering you or upsetting you. By answering this question, addiction sufferers can actually reduce their compulsion to resume their addiction. And many members will tell you that letting go of situations you cannot control, or change, can be the most freeing thing in the world.

Stay positive: 

An addiction can be connected to a lot of painful and difficult memories. As it can be difficult to cope with these, staying positive is important during step 3. In fact, keeping a positive mentality can prevent you from turning back to your addiction when things get touch. So, like the previous step, it helps reduce some of the strong urges you get during recovery.

Be open to help:

When you struggle with addiction, you most likely will have started a behavioural pattern that included hiding your addiction. As such, it was previously difficult to ask for help or speak to someone openly about your issues. During step 3, you should try to adopt an open attitude when it comes to help and support. 

As mentioned before, control is an issue for addiction sufferers. Seeking help is a form of relinquishing control, so it is understandable that this step is a difficult one for many sufferers. However, it is a vital step to eliminate earlier destructive behaviours and seek help to implement good and healthy behaviours. 

What Are The Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Like all the steps in the program, there are some pitfalls that sufferers can encounter. Here are some of the most common pitfalls for step 3 and how you can avoid them.

Frustration: Letting go of control is a difficult thing for the addiction sufferer. And many members tend to have some perfectionistic tendencies as well. So, when they are unable to relinquish control immediately, they often get frustrated and angry. 

Please note that frustration and anger can be triggers that lead back to addiction. Therefore, it is important to understand that relinquishing control is a process and to be kind to yourself when you struggle with this step. It takes a while for the human brain to form new neural pathways and to accept a new behavioural pattern as normal. In other words, accept that letting go of control can be a longer process for you than for someone else. 

For some, an excessive need of control can be due to underlying mental health problems. So, in some cases, additional psychological help can be sought to help reduce the urge for control and set the addiction sufferer further on the path to recovery. Of course, in order to do so, you must work on your willingness to seek and accept help from others. Since this is something that is done in step 3, many members seek additional help and support during this particular step if mental health issues are a concern. Of course, you are in no way obligated to do so.

Hiding weakness: Letting go of control can make you encounter some bad memories. Addiction may have suppressed those memories in the past, or even created some new ones. Therefore, feeling urges and falling off the wagon is not completely uncommon. If this should happen to you, it is important to own up to your mistakes during your AA meeting or with a trusted family member or friend.

Evidently, not all mistakes are about giving in to your addiction. Sometimes, it could be trying to control certain situations, your household, or other things you may not have control over. So, owning up to things could be anything from falling back into controlling behaviours to having an exceptionally difficult time of it. 

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 4?

Since step 3 is all about relinquishing control and starting to deal with some of the bad memories that ruled your addiction, it is not uncommon for members to take a little longer with step 3. It is not uncommon for some members to return to this particular step, and there is no shame in that.

You will be ready for step 4 if you feel like you are in the position to accept help comfortably. Other positive signs of completing step 3 include no longer feeling the need to control absolutely everything in your life and finding it a little easier to open up about any problems you had during a certain period of time. 

Remember, step 3 is all about letting go of control and keeping a positive attitude during your recovery. There can be wobbles during this time, as you will have to face some memories you did not want to face before. But once you let go of control, the path to recovery becomes a whole lot clearer.