I have spoken before about common triggers and how to avoid them. In that post I delved into the various ways we might be tempted into drinking. But what I didn’t do was talk about what we should do if we gave into that temptation.
If I were a betting man I would guess that from the moment of saying “I quit drinking” through to the here and now 100% of sober people have slipped up and had a drink.
Just think in your own life how many times you woke up after a particularly heavy session and said “no more”. How long did it take before you had another drink?
Exactly.
“But I only said it those other times because I was massively hungover. I’m fully on-board this time”
That’s great.
Did you know that relapse rates for people with Alcohol Use Disorder are between 40-60%?
Does not make for optimistic reading. Some good news I can tell you though. Is that I personally know dozens of happy sober people who have previously had alcohol abuse issues. Every single one of them had a slip up on their path to sobriety, but every single one of them overcame it and are now living a booze free life.
So now we know that a lot of people will slip up at one time or another. Let’s look into what can be done when we have faced a setback.
Don’t compound the setback
It’s common to think “well I’ve already broken my sobriety by having one glass. I may as well get drunk now and start again tomorrow”.
It’s my view that these feelings come from how much importance the length of sobriety appears to be in some circles.
So much focus is put on how long you have been sober for that when you slip you feel you have wasted all that time
“Damn I had 100 days sober but now I’ve gone and blown it”
Sure you may have drank but have you really blown it? Does having a drink today mean that you were retroactively drunk for the previous 100 days?
Of course not.
Don’t worry so much about the number and focus on becoming comfortable and happy in sobriety. That way if you do slip up you will be less likely to compound the error because you are less gutted about losing your streak and more concerned about getting back to sobriety.
The aim isn’t to beat some high score, the aim is to be happy with yourself and your sobriety
– Tweet this
Take ownership of the setback
“Becky invited me out for drinks its her fault”
“It’s the government’s fault for allowing alcohol companies to advertise”
“My dad was an alcoholic it’s in my genes”
By assigning blame for your drinking to other people you are saying that you hold no agency in life. You have no free will. Things just happen to you and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
Which is bullshit.
Tell Becky no. Ignore the adverts. Don’t drink just because your dad drank.
Take ownership of the setback. Tell yourself that it was you who slipped up. Then you can look at why you slipped up and take corrective action to prevent re-occurrence.
If you just say it was someone else’s fault then you can’t prevent it from happening again. When you take ownership of the slip up you take ownership of the solution.
Don’t let the lapse turn into a relapse
Similar to how you should not compound the setback you should also not treat the setback as proof that you are incapable of being sober.
You have failed but you are not a failure
Everyone is capable of a happy sober life. Don’t let a setback keep you from yours. Learn from your mistakes and try again.
Use it as a learning exercise
What made you slip? Why did it make you slip? Will it make you slip again in the future? How can you stop it from making you slip again?
When I first quit drinking I thought that I could still do all of the same things as I used to do. Just this time without the booze. I soon found out I was wrong when I was in the pub watching sports and before I knew it I was 8 pints deep and the afternoon had barely begun.
The next day when I got out of my pit I sat down and thought over the day’s events.
- I slipped because I was in a pub. No. I slipped because I was in a pub AND I was bored
- Given the same circumstances I was very likely to slip again
- I had to steer clear of pubs until I was more comfortable being in a room full of people drinking
- When I was comfortable being in pubs sober I needed to ensure I would be entertained. So either with a group of friends who can hold a conversation or when there was a really good sporting event on the telly. Preferably both.
Get help
Why do it alone. Speak to a friend. Go to your nearest or favorite meeting and tell them you slipped and are looking for guidance on what to do from here. Call your sponsor if you are worried you might slip even further. Hit the chat rooms and talk to other AF people 24/7.
Sure you might be strong enough to tackle a setback on your own. But why take the chance when there are plenty of resources around.
For those of you who have successfully navigated your way out of a setback what worked for you? Share with us in the comments below.
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