Hey, I am Malynne. I am a mother of one. I have really amazing son (I would not like to give his name) so let’s call him Pete for now. Pete means the world to me and I would protect him with my life. Pete is the reason I am out of alcohol for good, I mean he is the reason i find joy living each day. Sadly, Pete will grow without a father for now but i always promise myself I would do all I can. So, this is how Pete is such an angel for me.
I am 24 years but shy of roughly of two months I would be turning 25. Pete is a year and half. So, I was a drunkard like I was seriously into alcohol. This was during my first year in university. My dad was a drunkard and would come home wasted then call his favorite daughter (me). We would talk till past my bedtime then he would give some nice change for school the nice. I must say I liked the drunk version of him because he was not violent at all as he was when he was sober. He was strict upright and decisive mostly when he was drunk but would lessen once when drunk. So, to me alcohol looked indulging fun activity. Fast forward to my high school we used to have debates amongst us and people would argue marijuana was a better drug than alcohol and that alcohol was just a destroyer and all. Funny thing is always defended alcohol. But come on! they are all drugs; they are all bad. So, I always defended alcohol because I was accustomed to thinking my Dad was always happy when drunk that’s why he wasn’t harsh. I had a soft spot for alcohol but to that point I hadn’t taken it.
So, first year in college was the worm hole. I am introverted by nature so my first weeks was not pleasant at all. so, I had to find something to get me busy during weekend. see, I was shy to go to the club so I would buy alcohol from liquor store then go to my unit then drink what I could. First time I was really responsible. I just vibe to some Blues as I drunk the bitterness. The first time wasn’t pleasant but I just wanted to reach where my dad was at most times, I saw him. So, hours later I am drank singing my heart out. I Was really happy. So, it was this week I buy. Then two weeks I do the same. In two months, it’s known it’s now a thing. The first weeks I felt dehydrated and hangovers after the ordeal but with weeks I knew how to maneuver such symptoms. I was now a “guru”. I had managed to get a hang of my new “friend”.
I was lowkey a drunkard. Months in started knowing people because we would meet at the liquor store severally. So, one day I got an invite to club. That was really nice, I prepped the whole occasion for days. So, we went and I drunk my all. I told myself “anyways am not paying anything”. Next am at the guys house a sleep. Apparently, I passed out and was taken there. So generous I thought. Now we are friends, we hang out at times but it’s nothing solid like a relationship we are just drink buddies. Moments later we are now a group. Hes an introverted guy so I get introduced to his friends then we later would several times in campus or in the clubs’ spots and boom we are friends now.
So now I have crew. We rock the world. We partied all weekends out. Fun fact is that alcohol never affected my studies. My grades were not as good but I felt I was just doing good. So, me and this guy is getting serious. But we were still afraid of getting in a relationship owing that we were both party goers and it was a norm such people don’t date. To some point I felt empty around this man. Apart from alcohol we had no link. Remember we are months into this addict life. I look like an addict now it was really evident. I had very shaky arms. I could barely reach a month without an injury because I tripped. My lips were all burnt and I could no longer recognize myself. So, after the first year I went home. My mum was in shock seeing how I looked. She might have known what was happening but she looked away and suggested we get to a doctor. The doctor said my body mass index was not check and I should supplement my food and all. He also handed some drug related pamphlet (I never read). So, we are back home and mum is insisting I tell her the truth because clearly, I was not good. My Dad this time was away. I learnt the He was really sick at some point and was undergoing liver treatment on another where my uncle (His brother) resides.
Now I am realizing alcohol is not good as I thought. honestly my life was not messed up per say but it was inches away to that point. Second year starts and am back. I have been on supplements so now I look better. My circle never changed so in a few weeks we are back to that dark era. Now I am craving for alcohol every day. I drink any day I have some time. My “boyfriend” calls it ends with me somewhere in the first month of the semester. I had my own money I could afford cheap liquor so now I am drinking my emotions away. If I get emotional, there I am killing away the emotions with a few shots. The emotional turmoil was really on me. It did not hurt me that he was gone but the providence I got from I could manage on me. I sunk really hard.
When you sink it is basic knowledge that you will need to pull yourself to the status you were. Now I am trying to get back to drink outs and party life. All the time I don’t know the problem was not on the status but my drinking problem was the issue. Now I choose the gold digger life. I would get to club and hangout with anybody as long as he gets to handle my bill. The truth is when someone offers you something cheap or free there is always a catch. Some people would ask for sexual favor but I would turn them down or find a way to dodge them. One time I don’t know what happened but was in some really wild euphoria while hanging out with some guy. I was drunk but conscious that time. When I woke up, I was lying naked in a motel room. I was not sure why I was naked and who brought me there so I wore clothes and went out to ask who brought me in. The lady at the counters says she saw me smiling all the time while booked a room with this guy.
I did not know I was raped at the time. At that time, I felt as if I had abdominal pains because of how I had I slept. I thought I had met I nice guy like my boyfriend. Two weeks later I start feeling nauseated and sickly. Doctor was like “congratulations you are expectant”. Hell no!!I was in no position to afford to be pregnant. He gave me some instructions of what to do and all that pertains pregnancies. All this time I am in awe. I didn’t know what to say. Yes, I might have been violated, but that was two weeks ago! How detached from my body is my nerves? I was really dead inside.
Now I leave the hospital stressed. I need to look for that guy but I can’t really recall who he was. We never exchanged numbers so you might guess how in futile my mission seems to be. A week into searching nothing came up. People would tell me hoes are not victims in such scenario and that the pregnancy was just collateral damage. So, I quit. Went home to my mother. My dad was back.
They really supported me. problem was that this alcohol was going to kill my baby and that wasn’t a joke. I craved for it each time but I would just tell myself I am doing this for my baby. My mother was really excited because I was the only child in the family and I knew she wished to have to raise someone again. Truth Is I never turned out the daughter she wanted which I am sorry. My dad was still in alcohol even after all the medication. It was dawning me alcohol was a real struggle and that people seem happy but in real sense it a tough to break out.
I had withdrawal symptoms. I even had veins come out of my head every time those sessions would start. I was just there with elevated fevers, shaking like some leaf and constantly weak. Good thing I never gave up I would just think about my baby. I knew I would be broken beyond repair if anything happens to him because of my alcoholism. My mother was really supportive at the time. she even rented an apartment for me so that I stay away from my Dads influence. To six months baby is fine. I have no symptoms. We have a pregnant mother’s group which meets twice a week. I have real friends whom we can talk about life and other real discussions. That’s when I realized I have been blinded by this alcohol for some time. Having a good life is not about having the best parties but it is about interactions you make at the time.
My baby is born. Hes a boy! I am happy. I don’t crave alcohol no more It is just me and my son. My mother is completely happy. She will have company when I go back to school. I chose to forget the father because I never counted him as part of my new life anymore.
Fast forward to now. My dad is in rehabilitation. apparently, he made that decision himself. He was really sorry for what happened to me because he would blame himself for it. The guilt was unbearable so he calls it ends with it. He did not want rehabilitation at the first place but it became very hard to manage his condition by himself so he joined some center. I wasn’t happy that he was blaming himself but I was glad he had realized that alcohol was not as good as he had thought. I know he would be a good man after rehabilitation because he chose to go there himself and he also chose to change.
So now am back to school, I am on my third year here. I am back to getting better grades. I now have real friends to study with. To go to charity with. To shop with. I am also part of the mother’s group in the campus. some mothers are single others live with their spouses but it their stories boil down to that their children anchor their lives altogether. Most of them were not raped as I was but we all shared same responsibility. I hope to share my story someday but for now I have no carriage to except for writing it down. Alcohol is not good. It drains life out of you with each sip you take. It has really dire consequences to your health in general. I always tell my friends don’t make alcohol an escaped not even any drug. Focus on real relationships with people when you are sober and nothing is clouding your decision making. Because of Pete I quit .
