Stopping drinking is difficult. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either ignorant or a liar (or is trying to sell you a rehab program).
For problem drinkers it is especially challenging to quit.
Stopping drinking requires that you be strong not just physically but mentally and psychologically as well.
I’m not going to lie it wasn’t easy for me. There were times where I thought I was going to slip, times when I wanted to slip and, indeed, times when I did actually slip.
But I got back on the horse each time and can say I am now comfortably sober. I am not saying that I may not slip again in the future but I am saying that I will not be slipping today.
I don’t want this post to be me preaching to you about what you need to be doing to remain on track. No. This post is about my path. What worked for me and what didn’t work for me. My path is not your path.
If it worked for me it might work for you, or it might not. The idea behind this post is for you to see what has worked for someone else and decide if that is something that is right for you. If you want a post that dives more into what you should do then check this one out
Similarly, there’s a few things I talk about not working for me. These may work for you.
Take what you need and leave the rest behind.
What did work for me:
Writing down my reasons for quitting – Want to see them?
These were my main reasons to quit drinking. (I think I might have been a bit harsh on myself with that last one)
When ever I have the urge to drink I look at these and remind myself why I am going through all of this in the first place.
Going to meetings – I don’t like the 12 steps or all the talk of a higher power. But I appreciate that it works for other people so I tolerate those parts of meetings. I like going to meetings to talk with others and to hear the sharing. These are people who have gone through (or are going through) the same things as me and listening to them allows me to glean off wisdom that will help me in my journey.
Creating a support network (and removing negative people from that network) – This was really as simple as telling everyone I was off the ale. Only those closest to me were told why. Everyone else was told that I ‘wanted a change’.
After-all it’s none of their business.
Once it was clear that there were certain people in my network that were going to be negative influences I cut them out.
These are the people who are constantly telling you that you can have ‘just one’ or ‘beer doesn’t count’. Mostly these people were not purposely trying to sabotage my sobriety, they just had no frame of reference to what I was going through as they are able have ‘just one’ and be fine. They don’t understand “Pringles Drinking“.
It is fine to be a little selfish when your sobriety is at stake
Tweet This
So even though they weren’t being spiteful I cut them out and spent as little time around them as I could. At first anyway. Once I felt more comfortable in myself and my new relationship with alcohol I gradually let them back in.
I became a voracious reader – Alcoholism/Addiction/Sober living books, blogs, forums, magazines, pamphlets. You name it I read it. Most of the things I read were items written by other people going through this journey. Similar to why I like to listen at meetings: I like to read the stories of other people and take their wisdom and lessons to apply to my own life.
My favorite books:
Alcohol lied to me (this is free if you watch the author’s webinar, otherwise it’s around £10/$12)
Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions (sold here)
Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Control Alcohol (sold here)
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober (sold here)
I kept busy – I’ve wrote previously about how quitting drinking left me with so much free time. I then followed that post up with by talking about how I needed to pick up a hobby to keep my mind busy.
For me it was coding, cooking and hiking.
And when I wasn’t doing any of those I would keep busy around the house.
With a full plate of fun and productive activities there is simply no time for being drunk and/or hungover.
I got fit – Healthy body healthy mind. That’s what they say. And for me it is true.
I get an early start to my exercise every day with a big walk with my dog. It is a good part of my wake-up routine (better than coffee!). Once I am done I am fully awake and ready for the day.
The fitter and healthier I become the more clear my mind becomes and the less stressed and anxious I feel (major drinking triggers). Also when you know you are getting healthier you feel like drinking will be a waste of all that hard work.
I got rid of all the booze in the house – One of the few times I lapsed was because I had alcohol in the house. I thought since I had quit drinking I could just gift the left over booze to the next friend I saw.
That didn’t happen.
Now I keep an alcohol free house. The lack of alcohol around me all of the time means that I can go about my day without seeing or being reminded of it.
I rejected peer pressure (eventually) – I mentioned earlier how I removed negative people from my support network. This worked for people that I chose to see. But in life you don’t always get to make all the decisions. There was always going to be people I had to interact with. And even though I am no longer a teenager sneaking cigarettes after school I am still fallible to peer pressure and this was the cause of another lapse.
After this lapse is when I started with my own version of “Just say No”. I found it easier to tell people I am not drinking and reply to any poking with “Just cause”. It’s nobody’s business but my own so if I don’t want to share then that’s that.
I reduced other temptations – I changed up my usual walking routes as the old ones took me by my usual drinking haunts. Out of sight out of mind has done me well.
I didn’t let a lapse turn into a relapse (you have failed but you are not a failure) – As you may have noticed while reading this post I have had a couple lapses in my journey to where I am now. The important part is that these were only lapses and not full blown relapses.
The difference?
A lapse – slipping for one night but getting back the next day
A relapse – slipping for one night, then the next, then the next. And bam. Right back to where I was before starting.
Once you have a lapse make sure you get right back at it. There’s always another day.
I recorded my victories – Right in the same notepad as my reasons for quitting is my victories. There’s no rhyme or reason to when or what I record. I have written “got 7 days” in there. I have also written “ran half a mile without spewing”.
Whenever I feel particularly prideful of an achievement – that would not have been possible while drinking – I pop it into my notebook.
What didn’t work (these are things that did not work for ME, but they might work for you):
Driving everywhere – This is a common tip in alcoholism circles. The idea is that if you drive to restaurants and pubs you will be less likely to drink. That didn’t work for me. What I was likely to do instead was drive to meet some friends, get drunk and then take a taxi home.
Now I am in the situation where I have still drank. I am out of pocket for taxi fares. And I have to go back the next day when I am hungover.
Alcoholic free beer – Not for me. Just makes me miss the real thing.
Drinking from a pint (or wine) glass – This did nothing for me at all. I think the idea is that if you are used to holding a wine or pint glass then you still can just replace the wine with water or juice (or whatever). Supposedly making you less anxious. It didn’t work for me but might work for people who need something in their hands to occupy them.
Sharing in meetings – Stage fright. Yeah no way was talking in front of people going to reduce my anxiety and make me less likely to want to drink. I do share every now and then but I certainly do not attribute it to helping in my recovery. The real benefit for me from meetings was listening to others and being able to relate to their struggle and recovery.
I have actually been working on my public speaking (with all that free time I have now) so maybe it is something that I will do more often in the future.
What about you?
What worked and didn’t work for you? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
You never know what you say here might help someone else finally get their sobriety on track.
