The 12 Steps

Throughout the twelve steps, we mentioned that you never truly finish, you keep repeating the twelve steps as and when you need to long after you have “completed” the program. Obviously, this maintains the new skills you learned throughout the program and implements them in your new life. But for those of you looking for something a little more practical, here is what you should be doing after completing the twelve steps.

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

Summary of the 12 Steps

Before we move onto some of the other things to do after step twelve, let us explore a quick summary of the 12 steps you need to keep implementing in your life.

• Step 1: Admit you are powerless over your addiction and that your life became unmanageable
• Step 2: Trust in a higher power
• Step 3: Learn how to surrender to a higher power, relinquish control
• Step 4: Create your moral inventory
• Step 5: Reveal hurtful and distressing memories to someone 
• Step 6: Prepare to release your character flaws and be willing to recover
• Step 7: Be humble 
• Step 8: Make a list of those you have harmed
• Step 9: Make amends with those you harmed, unless you could injure yourself or others by doing so
• Step 10: Self-examination
• Step 11: Practice prayer and meditation
• Step 12: Pay it forward and continue to practice all twelve steps

Am I Cured?

You are in recovery, which means that you have undergone the program and remained sober. Of course, this does not mean you will not encounter any challenges. In the past, you became addicted for a reason. Therefore, refraining from drinking again is the right choice. It is all too easy to see someone else drinking responsibly and think “I can do that” then sooner or later you are right back to where you started from.

To remain in recovery, it is vital to keep repeating the twelve steps, but also incorporate a relapse prevention plan, which we will elaborate on next.

How Do I Create A Relapse Prevention Plan?

A relapse prevention plan is exactly what it says it is. It is a plan that is designed to help prevent you from relapsing, no more no less. These plans can come in a number of formats and different people will have differing needs and requirements in their plan. The relapse prevention plan that I am going to recommned consists of numerous parts – remember you are free to come up with your own parts. 

Below, we will explain each of these parts in more detail and how you can create your own relapse prevention plan for the future. 

Environment vulnerabilities and triggers: There can be a number of things in your immediate environment that make you vulnerable, so it is important to identify them. It could include the area where you used to purchase alcohol, the people you used to go out with, or certain social situations. 

Within this framework, you must also look at specific triggers. Maybe you are triggered by receiving bad news? Or maybe you find a night out with some friends a trigger? For some, it could be something as simple as being home alone? Evidently, these triggers must be identified before you can create a trigger treatment strategy. 

Trigger treatment strategy: Dealing with certain triggers can be unique to the person. For example, if going out with friends is a trigger and you feel uncomfortable about it, it could be best to avoid going out with friends until you feel strong and comfortable enough to do so. For others, distraction is the way to go, especially after a stressful work day. Of course, if you had some bad news and need someone to talk to, you can always call your sponsor as well.

Management of urges: You will still encounter urges after the twelve-step program, even if you have identified your triggers. New ones can always arise and present themselves, which is why you should have a management tactic for these urges.

Urges are commonly managed with distraction techniques. These distraction techniques are not solely used for recovering addiction sufferers, but also those suffering from panic disorders, eating disorders, and other mental health problems. 

There are many ways to deal with urges, ranging from contacting your sponsor to taking a walk or meditating. Of course, keep repeating the twelve steps to ensure they are fresh in your mind as well.

Get good support: Over time, you will be confronted with normal life again. Obviously, this can be daunting for someone who has recovered. A support network can help greatly with this challenge.

When building your support network, it is vital to evaluate who has your best interest in mind and who does not. Some people in your environment may not be supportive of your new sober life, which means you have to surround yourself with other people. If you struggle finding good support in the beginning, you can also find some help at your local AA meeting or even a therapist who can help you rebuild. 

Look at other aspects of your life: During the twelve-step program, you will focus on a lot of aspects of yourself. However, you will not look at absolutely everything in your life. First, you work on yourself during the program, and when you are strong enough, you look towards rebuilding other parts of your life that may have suffered.

Tackling some of the issues from the past, for example finances, can be a trigger on its own. It is therefore important to have a trigger and urge management in place before you even attempt to do this. 

For some people, this particular step of the relapse prevention plan can be quite dramatic. Some leave their previously stressful jobs behind completely, which made them unhappy in the past. Others return to school and consider a career change. In other words, this particular step does not have to be a bad one. 

At the end of the day, it is about evaluating what you would like to change in your life that will make you happier and therefore much less likely to relapse.

Repeat – Do Not Forget

We mentioned this numerous times before in the twelve-step program, but repetition of the steps you have learned is key to long-term sobriety. Even when you think you have mastered the program and you do not need to put any more time in it, this could become a bigger problem if you keep on ignoring this preventative aspect of your recovery. So, repeat often and keep being honest with yourself to maintain your sobriety long-term.

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this
message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

Congratulations, because you just made it to step twelve of the program. You successfully completed the previous steps, which is something to be proud of. Now, it is time to embrace the last step of the twelve-step program.

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 12?

Step twelve is all about looking back to the previous steps and embracing everything you have learned. Of course, it is also about paying it forward, helping others and empowering them to change their life for the better.

How Do I Do Step 12?

To become successful in your sobriety long-term, it is essential that you keep applying all the twelve steps of the program in your everyday life. So, even though you have completed all these steps, these are valuable lessons that you will take on in your new life of sobriety. 

Aside from repeating the twelve steps in your everyday life, you should also practice the following during step twelve. 

Help fellow addiction sufferers: With the twelve steps solid in your mind, you have the ability to pay it forward to other addiction sufferers. It is recommended to do this in a safe and trusted environment. Of course, if you find yourself struggling or triggered, it is important to keep maintaining the twelve steps as well as your emotional wellbeing first and foremost. 

Turn weakness into strength: During the twelve-step program, you learned to assess your character flaws and defects, and to turn them into more positive behaviours. If you still encounter some issues you want to work on, then step twelve gives you further opportunity to do so.

Spend time on spiritual growth: It is also advised to keep your focus on your spiritual well being and growth, as this will become an anchor for you in your new sober life. As such, be sure to refer back to step ten often if you need a refresher. There is no shame in recalling the other steps, as they will only strengthen you on your new path. 

Find peace: This is probably the most important part of it all. Put qualities such as ego, hubris and prestige at the door, as these can only lead to a path of unhappiness and create new triggers for you. Finding peace with the person you have become and facing the challenges of life head on is what it is all about. While everyone struggles with life’s challenges, the techniques you learned will most certainly help you stand more positive in life. 

What Are The Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Many believe that they should do step twelve perfectly, mainly because they have so many tools at their disposal already. However, this is not the case, as recovery is a lifelong journey and you must continue practicing the twelve steps in your everyday life to maintain your sobriety. Obviously, this also means that you can encounter some pitfalls during your journey.

Not repeating the steps: One of the biggest pitfalls that people encounter is not repeating the twelve steps they have learned, believing they are done once they go through all the twelve steps. Remember, you will have difficult days in the future, no matter how great things are going now. By keeping your twelve steps on hand, you have the tools you need to combat life’s stresses and potential triggers in the future.

Seeking reward: Helping other addiction sufferers during step twelve is an admirable thing to do, but it must be done for the right reasons. If you seek to help another addiction sufferer expecting a reward or prestige, then you are not doing it for the right reasons. Therefore, it is essential to implement everything you have learned during the twelve steps with other people on the program. Remember, things such as ego can only be a trigger in the long run, especially when things are out of your control or do not go your own way. So, help when you expect nothing in return, and where there is no ulterior motive to do so.

Honesty: This is one of the most important things to maintain during the twelfth step and even long after that. Be honest with yourself about new mistakes you are making, or maybe you need to be honest with yourself about the fact you may be struggling a little more than usual? By being honest with yourself throughout step twelve and beyond that, you are far less likely to relapse and to seek help promptly when you need it. 

How Will I Know That I Completed Step 12?

As we briefly mentioned above, you do not really complete the twelve-step program completely. What we mean with that is that the steps you learned in this program must be maintained throughout. So, while you will move from step twelve sometimes, you can find yourself returning to other steps such as step eleven or even four. 

The twelve-step program provides the opportunity for spiritual growth. It enables you to learn everything about yourself, but also to change the things you no longer want in your character. It teaches you to be humble and accept advice when you need it.

From step twelve, you will start paying it forward. In the beginning, this may seem incredibly daunting. It has been quite the journey from addiction sufferer to recovered addict, and this journey should not be underestimated. Give yourself the time to acclimatise to your new life and to keep practicing the twelve steps you have learned. Start paying it forward when you are ready during step twelve and continue to do so if you can. Nobody can fight addiction alone and your help is vital to keeping this life saving system going. Of course, this also means to remember not to put too much pressure on yourself. If you have understood all this, then you have mastered the twelve-step program.

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve
our conscious contact with God as we understood Him,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

Now that you have reached step eleven, you can look forward to building a strong foundation for a fulfilled and sober life. This step prepares you to move forward and leave your addiction behind. 

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 11?

As mentioned in the introduction, step eleven means focussing on building a foundation for the future. Of course, to build that foundation, there are a number of things that must be done. To move forward and build a strong basis for the future, you will focus on spiritual practice daily to ensure a better emotional balance and more stability in your life overall. Next, we will explain how you best execute step eleven.

How Do I Do Step 11?

Since step eleven includes some spirituality, different people can make different choices. For example, someone can choose to pray to a higher power, while others choose to meditate and others still just choose to have a period of self-reflection once a week. This is a personal choice and must be respected. For the purpose of this point, we will provide the example of meditation, which is a common practice nowadays. However, it is possible that prayer works better for you or just sitting down and writing. If this is the case, simply replace meditation with prayer or thought or introspection in some of the steps of this overview.

Make meditation a daily practice: Daily meditation can help to ground yourself and can also be your higher power. In addition to that, it helps to maintain your emotional stability and overall balance. 

For meditation to provide its positive effects, it must be repeated on a regular basis. The brain needs some time to make positive changes, and this is the same for meditation. So, if you keep repeating the practice every day, you will reap the benefits over time. While you can experience some relaxation immediately, for most people the benefits will not be clear until they have practiced meditation for some weeks. 

Choose a relaxing environment: A relaxing environment is vital for your meditation. If you meditate in an environment with lots of distractions, you cannot focus on yourself or your own mental wellbeing. So, do not be afraid to prepare an area inside your home or somewhere else where you can meditate in peace without the fear of being disturbed. 

Do not be judgemental: While you meditate, it is important to let go of existing preconceptions or mistaken beliefs. It is essential to keep an open mind during this spiritual experience. 

In the beginning, you will find that there is a lot of resistance from your own brain during meditation. You might even find that you are easily distracted or disturbed by unwanted thoughts. When this occurs, simply acknowledge the thoughts, and tell them you will think about them later. That this is your spiritual time, to relax and to ground yourself.

What Are Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Step eleven is subject to commitment, dedication and most certainly implementing some of the steps you have learned in previous steps. You can also encounter some common pitfalls, which we will now explore. 

Do not make demands: Whether you meditate or pray, it is important not to make demands from your higher power. If you do this, it means you are trying to be controlling and have your way. Instead, focus on grounding yourself and on looking after your emotional wellbeing. 

Irregular practice: Meditation or prayer can take a chunk of time out of the day. Since we all live busy lives, it is all too easy to drop the meditation simply because you believe you do not have the time for it. 

We cannot stress enough how important it is to keep the time for meditation or prayer. As mentioned in this overview already, the success of this step depends on repetition, commitment, and dedication. Skipping these spiritual moments can cause you to miss some important red flags that could lead to new triggers. It also causes unstable emotions, which can be a trigger on its own.

Meditation does not necessarily have to be many hours. Instead, you can take five to ten minutes out of your day to keep your practice in check. While we do recommend having some extra time in the beginning, maintenance sessions do not have to be several hours long. Of course, when you feel like you could use a little longer session a couple of months down the line, do not be afraid to do so.

Unrelaxing environments: Some people find it difficult to find a suitable place to meditate or pray. This could be down to the fact you live in a busy household or maybe because you live in a busy area where there is lots of noise. However, a relaxing environment is paramount to meditate or pray properly.

If you cannot eliminate all outside noises, then you should at least have complete privacy. While some road noises may come through if you live on a busy street, a private room where you cannot be disturbed is enough. 

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 12?

Step twelve is all about practice, whether you are praying, meditating, or doing something else that helps you keep your emotions balanced and helps you to reflect on yourself. Of course, like most steps, this is not something that is done overnight. Even after completing this step, it is recommended to keep practicing meditation or prayer to keep you on the right track. 

You are ready for the next step if you believe you are getting the most from your meditation and/or prayer. If you think you need some additional practice before moving onto step twelve, then be sure to do so. As we explained earlier, everyone takes their own time when it comes to the twelve steps. So, if you need to spend longer on step eleven, then be sure to do so until you are comfortable to move on.

“Continued to take personal inventory and
when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.”

After reading the step above, you might already suspect that step ten builds upon step nine. During this particular step, you will continue evaluating yourself and make changes if you need to. Of course, with this, it is not only a good idea to keep track of your character flaws, but also the successes you have. So, how do you complete step ten?

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 10?

As briefly mentioned in the introduction, this step is all about taking personal inventory. It is about learning how to spot harmful behaviours and eliminating them before they pull you back into addiction. 

How Do I Do Step 10?

When it comes to step ten, it is all about regular self-evaluation. If you make self-evaluation a habit, then it is more likely that you will recognise unhelpful and damaging behaviours. It also enables you to remain more stable emotionally, subsequently reducing the emotional triggers that could lead back to addition.

Obviously, self-evaluation is something that should be done over the course of time, even if you have moved onto the other steps. In the beginning, you may want to go a little more in-depth, just to get used to self-evaluation and how you can implement it in everyday life. As you go along, self-evaluation will become easier and you will find it a lot faster to spot problems that lead to emotional disturbance or additional triggers.

What Are the Common Pitfalls and How Do I Avoid Them?

Since you will evaluate your own character a lot during step ten, it is not uncommon to encounter some pitfalls that could derail your progress. Here are the most common pitfalls to watch out for as well as some tips on how to avoid them.

Take time to make decisions: Making rash and quick decisions might be something you have always done and could have been a contributor to addiction behaviour. During step ten, it is important to get this specific trait under control. 

When you notice you are making quick decisions or acting impulsively, it is vital to take a step back, take a breath, and consider your decision more carefully. Please note that you will have to do this a number of times before it becomes ingrained in your psyche. 

Be honest: When you encounter another negative trait within yourself, it is extremely easy to sweep it under the carpet for another time. However, doing so could cause this new negative trait to manifest and this could eventually become a trigger. Therefore, it is important to stay honest with yourself throughout self-evaluation. 

As a part of being honest with yourself, it is also important to know when you are wrong. Defensiveness is one of the key characteristics from your old addictive behaviour and must be avoided. So, remain open to criticism and be honest with yourself if you are wrong in a certain situation. Of course, this does not mean that you have to take abuse from others, it means you should be open to listen to constructive criticism and the feelings of others.

Forgive: Unfortunately, we have no control over what others do. So, it is possible that somebody has wronged you during your recovery. Within this framework, it is important to forgive. Holding onto anger and resentment can be another trigger for addiction, so you do not want to keep a hold of unhelpful emotions like that.

Do not expect to be perfect: Throughout the twelve steps, you will have heard that there is no such thing as perfection. For example, it is possible that you find yourself slipping up and becoming defensive again when someone is trying to talk you about something. When this happens, be honest with yourself and accept that your journey will not go absolutely perfect. The real progress is recognising the behaviour, accepting it, and then making the change. 

Making mistakes during your journey also provides some benefit, because it enables you to identify your personal pitfalls a lot easier. If your journey were perfect, there would not be any way to determine what your pitfalls are and what cause your addiction in the first place. So, in a way, perfection does not benefit your journey at all. 

Do not constantly apologise: For many AA members, it is not uncommon to get stuck on the “apologise” step. While it is necessary to apologise for having wronged others in a previous step, there is no point in keeping on apologising for the same thing. By doing so, you remain stuck in the past and cannot move on. 

Since you will look at some of the behaviours that are not beneficial for you, it is easy to think back about the past and feel guilt towards others. However, if you apologised for your behaviour already and made amends with the person during a previous step, there is no need to continue apologising.

How Will I Know When I Am Ready to Move Onto Step 11?

Step ten is very much a technique you will incorporate in your life. Like the previous steps, this is something you will carry with you in your sober life since this will prevent you from falling back into harmful behaviours and subsequently addiction. 

During step ten, you adopt new helpful habits to catch harmful behaviour before it takes over your life and leads back to addiction. If you believe that you have been honest with yourself and your character flaws, then you can move onto the next step. Of course, you continue to implement this step in your life, so moving on from step ten does not mean you drop what you learned.

Do not be afraid to spend a bit more time on step ten if you have to. Like all other steps in the program, everyone works through each step in their own time. Some need more time, while others need less. So, before you move on, make sure you have completed this step honestly.

“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible,
except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Now that you created a list of all the people you have hurt during your addiction, it is time to make amends with those you have hurt. This is exactly what you will do in step nine. While this may sound a little daunting at the moment, this guidance should make you feel a bit more at ease about this important step in your recovery.

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 9?

Step nine is about apologizing to those you have hurt during your addiction. This has numerous purposes. Firstly, it provides some relief from any guilt you are feeling because of the people you hurt during your addiction. In addition to that, it also restores some of the important relationships that have become damaged due to your addiction. 

How Do I Do Step 9?

There are a number of things to consider for step nine. Here is an overview of the most important things to remember during step nine and how you can complete it.

Choose your groups: During step eight, you made a complete list of everyone you have hurt during your addiction. Within this list, you will be able to divide these people into various groups. Now these groups are important, as making amends will not be possible for every person on the list. In addition to that, some of these conversations could do more harm to you than good, so it is important to make up your groups before you start having conversations. 

• The first group contains all the people you feel confident approaching once you have some confidence in your sobriety.
• The second group are those who you will not disclose everything too, as full disclosure could harm them or yourself. 
• The third group contains the people who you should not contact.
• The fourth group are the people you have no means of contacting, or where contact is restricted for specific reasons.

Keep in mind that making amends should only be done when possible and when it does not injure yourself and others. 

Choose your moment: There is always a right time to try to make amends with the people you have hurt. Obviously, the opposite is also true. There can also be a wrong time to have this difficult conversation. So, it is vital to choose your moment wisely. 

What Are Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

There are some common pitfalls to avoid during step nine. Since there are some difficult conversations to be had, it is best to prepare yourself for these pitfalls and make sure to seek additional support from a trusted person if you need to. 

Do not rush it: When something is uncomfortable, we tend to rush things just to get them out of the way or to avoid it completely. However, it is important to take your time with step nine, as it is one of the most vital parts of your recovery. 

Time is important, because it gives yourself and the person you hurt the time to process and to heal. While some conversations are difficult to have, time is one of the cornerstones of the human healing process. So, the conversation is just the first step towards mending bridges and repairing relationships.

Not everyone will be receptive: It is impossible to predict how another person will react. Some people in recovery will play the situation over and over in their head, often expecting the worst but getting understanding and support instead. Of course, the opposite can be the case as well. Some people may not want to listen to your apology.

When someone does not want to listen to your apology, simply apologize sincerely and then let the topic go. By doing so, you have taken responsibility for your actions, but prevent causing any harm to the person in question.

Do not cause harm to others: When you have this difficult conversation, it is vital that your apology does not cause harm or injury to the other person. If your amends cause further harm and suffering for the person in question, then they should be placed in the respective group we mentioned earlier. Remember, apologizing is a good thing to do, unless it will cause harm or injury to the other person. 

Check for avoidance: While being cautious is recommended during step nine, you must not mistake caution for avoidance. It is common for humans to avoid difficult situations because they are uncomfortable, and it is sometimes difficult to admit we were wrong. However, if you are noticeably avoiding a situation because it is difficult, and if the apology could help you move forward, then you are avoiding and no longer cautious. 

If you struggle with a situation such as this, you can ask advice from a trusted person. It often helps to get a neutral and unbiased perspective on the situation, and you could even get some helpful tips in return to help you approach the situation.

Do not give every detail: It is a common misconception that you must go through every little detail about how you hurt another person. In fact, it can be painful for the person to live through it again. The main provision is that your apology is sincere and meant. While you can apologize for some specific events or situations, you do not have to delve into too much detail.

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 10?

Take an honest look at the list you made and the group you decided to contact and apologize too. Do you feel you have made amends with these people in a responsible and beneficial manner? Do you feel that you can begin to repair the relationships that were affected by your addiction? Do you feel that everyone has been accounted for? If so, you are ready for step ten.