Sober Thoughts

I have spoken in a previous post about how much free time I now have since quitting drinking.

And it’s true. Now that I am no longer drinking regularly I have so much more free time to devote to other things. I am completely caught up on all my chores, I’ve been exercising regularly, the dog is getting so many walks.

But still there is free time.

And with free time comes boredom.

And with boredom comes temptation.

And we know where temptation leads…back to drinking.

In order to cut this off at the pass what we want to do is utilize our free time so that we don’t become bored. Particularly early on we want to keep our minds occupied to stave off any thoughts of drinking.

To start make sure that you are keeping up with any commitments. You don’t want to pick up a hobby only to begin to neglect other areas of your life. So make sure you are up-to-date in work and with any chores around the house. Keep up with your exercise program. Maintain your relationships with friends and family. If you find you are ahead of the game in all of these areas and still have free time then consider taking up a new hobby.

Which Hobby?

This isn’t a question that anyone can answer for you. You need to decide for yourself what activity will provide you with what you need.

Here’s some thoughts to keep in mind:

• Pick something that will keep you entertained long term. When I first went sober I started to learn web and app development. It was good at first but then started to feel more and more like work as opposed to a hobby I was doing for fun. I still keep it up but I have started to make sure I have another “fun” hobby to keep me entertained
• Avoid existing drinking hobbies, particularly at first. For me it was gaming. Every time I’d sit down to play a game I would have a can of beer with me. When I quit drinking it was hard at first to separate the activity from the drinking.
• The more sociable the hobby the better. Hobbies are more fun when you have people to share them with. But not just that, the more sociable a hobby is the more likely you are to keep it up. The other people keep you accountable.

After learning to code lost its excitement factor I picked up cooking. Great hobby in my opinion as it teaches you new skills and also comes with instant rewards in the meals you produce.

Other things I looked at were learning a new language, picking up a new sport, becoming a collector.

In the end whatever keeps the mind away from the booze is all that is needed

IWNDWYT – I will not drink with you today

It is important that you forgive yourself for your mistakes. A slip up is not the end of the world. Just pick yourself back up and carry on – do not let small lapses turn into lengthy detours from sobriety.

Probably just as important as forgiving yourself for mistakes is to reward yourself for achievements. Whether this is by small things like ordering your favorite dessert after every week sober, or big things like a nice trip after 6 months. What ever it is make sure you take the time out and really reflect on how far you have come and give thanks to yourself for getting you there.

Why are milestones important for maintaining sobriety?

• Milestones are signals of accomplishment. It shows that we have grown as people. Particularly important when we are trying to grow out of drinking and into our new sober lifestyle.
• Milestones provide structure and discipline to an otherwise lawless process.
• A reward at key milestones will help you keep on track by providing further incentives to hit your sobriety goals.
• Milestones allow other people to recognize the steps you’ve taken. Being able to tell your partner that you have gone 1 week/month/year without a drink is a fantastic feeling for both parties.

I celebrate milestones by taking trips. For big milestones I take a few days to a week. For smaller milestones I try to get out of the city for the weekend. This is great as it allows me and my SO to have a nice little vacation, plus the reward itself is paid for by my sobriety. The money I spend is the money I would have wasted on drink!

I also don’t stress the ‘big number’. The milestones I set myself aren’t about reaching some high score. No they are about how I feel at the time and what is a big achievement for me.

How are you going to celebrate your minor and major sobriety milestones?

IWNDWYT – I will not drink with you today!

Right now it is 9:56am on a Saturday morning.

So far today I have done 45 minutes on my exercise bike. I have walked the dog for an hour. And I have made and eaten a nice healthy breakfast.

And for the rest of the day I have plans to go and watch the football. Catch a film with my SO. And if there’s time; go shopping so I do not run out of food!

If I was still drinking I would be in bed right now. Plans for later would have been to get up and go to the pub. Watch the football in the pub. Stay in the pub after the football. Eat some unhealthy fast food on the way home. Collapse onto couch and fall asleep.

Looking at the options right now I have no idea why I ever chose the drinking option. Not drinking leaves me with so much more free time plus the things I get to do are either more fun or more productive – unless house chores are fun for you in which case more power to you!

Just this week alone I have done so many things that otherwise would have been done poorly, late or just plain not at all.

• Kept up with the housework. Now my house is no longer a cesspit
• Organised and paid all of my bills. No more late fees because I was too drunk or hungover to pay the damn bills.
• Caught up with friends. It is important to keep social after all.
• Kept up with the exercise for me and my dog. I barely walked the dog before relying on my SO to take care of him.
• Really excelled in work. No more half or zero productive days where I barely keep awake for the whole shift.
• Enrolled in a cooking class. Eating healthier is a lot easier when you know what you are doing!

And even after all that I still have a bunch of free time to sit on the couch watching TV or playing games. Maybe I need a new hobby.

What do you guys do for fun now that you have so much free time? (share in the comments below)

IWNDWYT – I will not drink with you today!

Looking in from the outside any reasonable person would assume that I loved to drink. Particularly after seeing the quantity I would put away on a night out.

But appearances are often deceiving.

While someone looking in might see a happy, ‘life of the party’, drunk. What they are not seeing is the number of pre-drinks that were put away before this point. Nor are they likely to see the post-drinks that are yet to be put away. Those late late night drinks after everyone else is long in bed.

They also don’t see the constant strategizing that takes place. The constant thinking about where the next beer will come from.

They also don’t see the fear that is running through my mind. What if someone finds out how much I have drank? What will they say? What if they tell others?

They also don’t see the next day. The sweats, the headaches, the nausea. The dread that washes over you when waking up and you have to run through everything you did the night before to see if there’s anything you need to apologize for today.

No. Nobody sees all of this. That is just between us and the booze.

So did I actually enjoy drinking? No I don’t think I did. It was just something I felt I had to do.

And that is what I tell myself whenever the urge to drink crops up. What is the point in throwing away my sobriety. Especially for something I didn’t even enjoy doing in the first place.

IWNDWYT – I will not drink with you today

My dad always tells us that the secret to surviving a heavy drinking session is a big greasy fry up the next day.

My mum swears a glass of water before bed leaves her feeling tip top in the morning.

A friend of mine will wake up, eat a power bar, go for a 30 minute jog and then go back to sleep. Swears down he feels 100% when he wakes back up.

My old goto was ‘the hair of the dog’. A few cans of beer first thing and I was good to go. Well so I thought. A few would invariably turn into many and the day would be over before it had even begun.

No.

The only true way to defeat the hangover is to avoid playing the game in the first place.

No booze = No Hangover

No more of these old wives tales about how many raw eggs and tomato juice it takes to replenish your electrolytes.
No more waking up with a splitting headache and a mouth dryer than the Sahara Desert.
No more ten hour sleeps that seem to have given you zero energy back.
No more “am I going to be sick? Yep think so” moments

Just think about how much more productive your day can be without a hangover. I know any day where my head is hurting from a big session is inevitably going to be a write off. Absolutely nothing of note will happen that day.

Whereas last Sunday, I was up early to exercise. Had lunch with some family who were in town. Played a little football in the park. Went the cinema with my SO and did some studying for some professional qualifications I want to sit.

So much better than lying on the couch with a bucket re-watching boxsets while feeling sorry for myself.

IWNDWYT – I will not drink with you today