Your Alcohol Use Questions Answered

This is absolutely normal. It happens to most people who quit drinking and you should know that it is not a reflection on who you are. It is a reflection on your friends, who you were when you were drinking and of the relationship itself. Not you.

More often that not what you will find when you quit the booze and get sober is that some of your “close” relationships are built solely on drinking. These are people that you meet up with and drink. First and foremost is the drinking, the social aspect comes a distant 2nd. So it only makes sense that once you lose the drinking that you lose the friend.

And this is not a bad thing

A friendship that is solely based on being in proximity to one another while you imbibe alcohol is not a real friendship.

“My Friendship wasn’t like that”

If your friendship wasn’t just about meeting up and getting drunk then it may be salvageable. Firstly you have to do some self reflection. Think about the most recent times you have hung out with your friend. Have you been different – sure you have been sober – but what has been different about your interactions?

A lot of people when they first get sober make everything they do all about that. The only thing they talk about is sobriety and they tend to go a bit far with the “making amends” step that is preached in AA. And sometimes they get a bit preachy about other people’s drinking.

It’s like that joke.

How do you know if someone is vegan/sober/into cross-fit/whatever?

Don’t worry they’ll tell you.

Just make sure you are not doing that. I appreciate you will be excited about your new found sobriety but other people will not share your level of enthusiasm and you may come across as judgey. Particularly important if your friends have their own troubled relationship with alcohol. They may see your sobriety as a judgement on them.

Try and get your friends together to do something fun but that doesn’t need to include alcohol. In the end all that really matters is that you keep sober, so if that means cutting out your friends then don’t be afraid to do so.

IWNDWYT – I will not drink with you today

I would not recommend quitting drinking while also trying to quit smoking. Sure some people can do it but it is just so much harder than it would be to quit them both separately. Give yourself the biggest chance of success and quit drinking first and then quit smoking after. I’ll give you my reasons as well:

1 – A lot of people only smoke when they drink, or at least smoke more when they drink. If this is the case then quitting drinking might cause you to stop smoking without you needing to make the conscious decision to quit. Win win.

2 – Smoking is a stress relief. Sure it’s bad for you and all that but lighting up a cigarette – for some people – is very therapeutic. Quitting drinking is a very stressful time. Anything you can do to make that easier on yourself should be considered. Including smoking.

3 – Quitting smoking sober is easier. As I laid out in reason 1, people smoke more when they drink. I know I did. Without the alcohol running through your body lowering your inhibitions and increasing your likelihood to partake in risky behavior (inc. smoking) quitting smoking can be easier.

4 – Quitting smoking is hard. It also makes your irritable. All things that can cause stress. Which can lead to relapse. Like I said at the beginning it’s just plain easier to quit drinking first and then quit smoking after.

Read my post on how to quit drinking if you want a full run down of how to go about it

Alcohol abuse is one of the main causes of erectile dysfunction so it would make sense that quitting drinking would cause ED to go away.

However. There are some instances where this is not the case and it would be best to speak to your Doctor in the first instance.

Why might ED go away when I quit drinking?

Ever heard of ‘Whisky dick’? It’s the crude description of a flaccid penis on a drunk man. When you are drunk your blood pressure drops causing a restriction in the blood vessels. The very same blood vessels you need to get an erection. So there’s that. There’s also the fact that alcohol lowers sensitivity meaning any action you do get will be much less pleasurable. And to complete this trifecta alcohol also inhibits the part of your brain responsible for sexual arousal.

So to paint the picture. You will be less likely to want to have sex, you will feel less from any sexual action you do have and you might not be able to send the blood down there in the first place.

None of these things should be permanent but they do tend to stick around for a while. So if you are an alcohol abuser, stuck in the drunk-hungover cycle then quitting drinking will probably help with your ED troubles.

Why might ED not go away when I quit drinking?

There’s a few reasons:

1 – The alcohol is still in your body – give it about a week for your body to truly detox itself from the alcohol.

2 – The ED wasn’t being caused by the alcohol – there are a bunch of causes of ED. While the drinking surely wont have helped it might not have been the only culprit. Ask your Doctor to give you a checkup.

3 – The alcohol has caused permanent changes that cannot be reversed – It is possible that the alcohol has caused permanent nerve damage that has resulted in impotence. Again you should ask your Doctor for a checkup.

All in all you should quit drinking to find out whether any ED issues you are facing are the result of alcohol abuse (and for these 18 other reasons).

This is probably the number one question I hear from people who are coming to terms with the fact that they have a drinking problem. And the answer I always tell them is this:

Maybe you can drink again but you should prepare yourself for not being able to. If you have proven yourself incapable of drinking moderately it is very much recommended that you do not drink again.

The problem with making a black or white, yes or no statement on this is that no two people are the same and the term ‘alcoholic’ is incorrectly applied in modern verbiage.

The dictionary definition of an alcoholic is someone who is addicted to alcohol and has formed a dependency on it. Does that mean that once someone is no longer addicted that they can begin to drink again?

Again maybe, but don’t count on it.

Someone gets addicted to alcohol through prolonged and heavy usage. You do not get addicted from a big bender here and there, it requires a persistent usage. If, for example, you are someone who doesn’t drink all that often but when you do you drink far too much and blackout. You are a ‘problem drinker’ or more colloquially a ‘ heavy binge drinker’. You should identify what causes you to drink in such a way and try to drink in moderation. However you are not considered to be an alcoholic.

Another example. Say that you drink every day, often too excess, and going without alcohol leaves you with withdrawal symptoms. It is likely you are addicted to alcohol and need some kind of detox program. However after that program can you drink again?

If you are able to drink in moderation then yes. But again don’t count on it.

A lot of (read: most) people with alcohol dependency issues got that way because they were unable to drink moderately. They were unable to go out and only have 3 or 4 drinks. Instead those 3 or 4 drinks turned into 10 or 20. And the next day followed the same path and so on. These people should not attempt to drink again as moderation is not for them and they are better off staying sober.

For a real life example lets look at me. I know that after a few beers I will want a few more. And then a few more. And a few more again for good measure. I have tried drinking in moderation plenty of times before and it has never worked. I therefore cannot drink again because I know that any amount I drink will inevitably result in a blackout and will seriously endanger my long term sobriety.

There is a growing school of thought that some people with addiction issues are able to be ‘cured’ through therapy. These are usually people who had underlying psychological problems that they self-medicated with alcohol. These people once coming to terms with their issues may be able to drink responsibly again in the future should their therapist approve.

I would always recommend against drinking again as a “test” to see if you can. That way madness lies.

There is no test that will definitively tell you whether or not someone is an “alcoholic”. There are medical tests that can tell you if a person is drinking heavily – notably a CDT test – but nothing that can diagnose alcoholism.

Alcoholism, in the common usage of the term, is used to describe a situation where someone is addicted to the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

The term ‘alcoholic’ or ‘alcoholism’ is not used by Doctors or health professionals, and people in recovery often prefer not to use it.

Medically the term Alcohol Use Disorder is used and is characterized as being an “impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse personal, career or health consequences”.

One of the ways AUD is diagnosed is the completion of a self-evaluation to determine ‘problem drinking’. This usually consists of a number of questions that make the subject reflect on their alcohol use and determine whether changes need to be made. You can check out an example of the questions in this post “Do I Have A Drinking Problem“.