Going Sober

Getting Started With Online Therapy – What To Expect From Your First Online Counselling Session

This post contains affiliate links. If you use any of the links in this post to register with BetterHelp the author may earn a commission.

If you have clicked through to this post you must be thinking about therapy. That is an absolutely fantastic first step and one that you should feel extremely proud of yourself for taking. Many people fail to take that first step and their problems just continue to pile up and compound. In the addiction world this usually ends up with a trip to Doctor/Emergency Room (or worse…the morgue).

But you’ve spotted the problem early and have correctly identified that you need therapy. Again that is great news. In all my years as an outreach counsellor I have never met someone who regretted giving therapy a go.

That is why in this article we are going to look at therapy, particularly online therapy, and discuss exactly what the benefits are and what to expect as a first timer.

Conventional therapy – where you sit on a couch and look at your therapist while discussing your problems – has always been the gold standard of addiction treatments (in this counsellor’s opinion anyway) and it is the treatment that, in my anecdotal experience, has the most success in battling alcohol abuse.

Having said that though conventional therapy does have one pretty substantial drawback in that – just like everything seems to be these days – the price of seeing a traditional therapist is just so expensive. Which when you already have so much on your plate: adding a huge recurring expense to the mix is just not ideal.

This is just one of the reasons why more and more people are turning online for their therapy needs. A recent study even shows that 94% of people actually prefer to use the online platform BetterHelp than conventional face-to-face sessions.

If you want to hear what the 94% has to say click here to read the real life experiences of other people trying out online therapy

Contents

Why Do People Prefer Online Therapy?
When is Online Therapy Appropriate?
How To Get Started
What Should You Expect From Your First Session
Set Your Expectations and Begin

Why Do People Prefer Online Therapy?

94% is a very high number. That averages out to be only 1 in 20 people who actually prefer face-to-face therapy over the service offered by BetterHelp.

But what’s so special about online therapy that makes people go crazy for it? Let’s see:

Online therapy is cheaper than most face-to-face therapies
Online therapy allows you to get therapy from anywhere in the world (all you need is your mobile device and an internet connection)
Online therapy offers a much wider range of services (from anytime instant messaging to phone and video chats with your therapist – what ever makes you most comfortable)
Online therapy gives you a much wider range of choice (there are 20,000 licensed therapists registered online, that is a lot more than in any city or town anywhere in the world!)

But what is it that real people are saying about their experiences? Let’s see…

Click here to read more reviews…

When is Online Therapy Appropriate?

Learn more about Online Therapy here

How To Get Started

Getting started with online therapy is easy. BetterHelp is the platform that I always recommend.

Registering there is as simple as completing an initial questionnaire and then filling in your details. It is important that you answer this questionnaire truthfully as your answers will be used to match you with a therapist. The more open you are about your issues the better match you will get.

The whole process should take less than 10 minutes.

Once you have registered you will be matched with a therapist that meets your needs. You will be provided a lot of information about your therapist. Take your time and read through this info and if you don’t believe your therapist is a good match for you then you can always request a new one (remember there’s over 20,000 to choose from!)

It really is as simple as that. Just think you could be getting matched to your own therapist quicker than you can order a pizza!

Click here to learn more about BetterHelp and to get started on your journey

What Should You Expect From Your First Session

The first time doing anything is always nerve wracking. First day in school, first time trying out for a team, first date, first driving lesson. First day on a new job.

Given the tendency for first times to be stressful it will come as a pleasant surprise to you that this isn’t the case when it comes to therapy. Especially online therapy.

The first thing you should expect from your first session is a calm and relaxing environment. Your therapist will go at your pace and will not be doing anything that makes you uncomfortable.

So what else can you expect from your therapist when getting treatment online?

Confidentiality

With BetterHelp all of their 20,000 therapists are fully licensed by the relevant regulatory bodies within the therapist’s country. This means that you can be just as assured of your therapist’s confidentiality and professionalism when talking to them online as you would if you were sat in their office

A Talk About What Has Brought You To Therapy

Your therapist is going to need to know what it is that is ailing you before they can start to think about how they can help. Don’t expect to have to lay it all out there in the first session but do try to give the therapist something to go off. Let them know how you have been feeling recently, some of the troubles you have been having and what made you finally face up and decide to go to therapy. Again don’t worry about being pressured into talking about anything you don’t want to talk about, your therapist will go at a pace that is best for you and your recovery.

A Talk About Your Goals For Therapy

So what is it you hope to achieve from therapy? For the majority of the people coming to IWNDWYT their goal will be to quit drinking – or at the very least to dramatically cut back on the drinking. You might have the same goals (particularly since you are visiting this site), but you might not. You might wish to cut down on your drinking, or to work on your other issues that tend to influence your drinking. It is important to communicate these goals to your therapist so that you are both on the same page.

A Talk About Your Preferences

Yes you will have already filled in a questionnaire before registering but it is important that you and your therapist discuss what the arrangement is going to be going forward. Some things to keep in mind

What method do you prefer best (text, audio, video, all of the above?)
How regularly do you wish to speak with your therapist
When do you want to speak to your therapist (Morning, Night, Weekend, Weekdays etc.)

Hi, how was your day?

It might be that your therapist has different ideas to what would be best for your treatment. It is important to remain open to changes from your preferences – after all you are paying them to guide your recovery so it would make sense to listen to your therapist – however if something makes you feel uncomfortable make sure to communicate to your therapist that certain things are red line items.

Set Your Expectations and Begin

Alcohol addiction is not something that can be fixed overnight. Make sure that you go into therapy with the understanding that it will still take a lot of effort on your part. The therapy can only take you so far.

That’s about all I have to say about online therapy. I definitely recommend you doing your own research before you ‘take the plunge’. If you are interested in learning more you should check out this article on ‘How & Why Online Counselling Helps‘

Or if you are ready to get started with BetterHelp you can click here

Good luck with whatever path you choose

And as always

IWNDWYT
I will not drink with you today

AA Was Not Like I Thought – Quitting Drinking With the 12 Steps

Written by Reader.

This is a reader story. We believe in providing our readers with a space for them to share their story however they see fit. The thoughts and views expressed are that of the author and should be treated as such. If you wish to share your own stories please see here for more information.

The author who sent this story to us is Hernan.

Hello, my name is Hernan. I haven’t had a drink for three years, seven months and nine days, and I achieved this thanks to the help offered to me by Alcoholics Anonymous groups.

I am 47 years old, divorced twice, with a little family and few friends, so you could say that I am a lonely person. The truth is that I do not have that terrible list of gaffes or that horrendous medical record that people expect to hear from an alcoholic who confesses, however I recognize that I starred in certain impasses, some of a very shameful intimate nature, that I would like to erase from my life.

There are very, very few people who suspected or realized that I had problems with alcohol because my obsession with taking care of my image and being the best at my job were greater than my obsession with drinking, a matter that contributed to taking a lot of work discovering and accepting that I was an alcoholic, since I felt and transmitted that I had my life under perfect control.

My background was a health crisis that got complicated because I interrupted the treatment by drinking, since one of the drugs could not be mixed with alcohol, as serious side effects were produced. In view of the fact that the doctor noticed that with time my health was deteriorating, he drew conclusions until he suspected what happened to me, and then confronted me and ordered to consult a psychiatrist. I would not tolerate my doctor accusing me of being alcoholic, so I stopped going with him and looked for other specialists in my disease, but I kept manipulating different treatments to keep drinking until my health failed so much that I had to return to the initial physician, willing to obey him in everything.

Even without accepting the fact that I suffered from alcoholism, I went to consult a psychiatrist, stopped drinking and went on my medical treatment just as he said, then I began to see that my health improved, but my desperation to drink was so terrible that I began to accept that I had a problem with alcohol. That was how I decided it was time do some research, but every time I was advised to go to Alcoholics Anonymous groups, something that I did not like, because the image I had of these groups came from movies that showed like a kind of almost religious sect where a bunch of vicious people and failures gathered to air their problems and intimacies.

The terror of irreversibly losing my health was what kept me away from drinking for a few months, but anxiety, obsession, bad mood and all that despair that abstention produces were driving me crazy … Could it be that I would have to go to Alcoholics Anonymous? No! That ridiculousness was not for me. Then, in less than six months, I changed my psychiatrist, I consulted two psychologists and nothing, until I couldn’t take it anymore, I stopped taking the drugs and started drinking again.

At that time my illness was receding; however, I was aware of what would happen to me if I did not follow the treatment correctly and, despite that, I only achieved four or a maximum of five weeks of abstinence, but I stopped taking my medications to be able to drink, and in each relapse I drank more vigorously… I lived through a terrible year, a hell, overwhelmed by guilt and fear… Fear of getting sick again, fear that my problem with drinking would be discovered at work and my friends, fear of everything! And I became paranoid.

Until one day, looking for some work information in my old notebook, I came across the information I had collected long ago on Alcoholics Anonymous and I asked myself: What do I lose by going? If I don’t like it or see that it doesn’t work for me then I’ll go out and voila, nothing happened.

Preparing to go to my first AA meeting, I became more concerned with imagining the kind of people who went to those meetings, I was concerned about dressing in a way that concealed my social and economic status, I was concerned about hiding my identity, and I was so concerned for a lot of banalities that it did not occur to me that I would go to a place where I could find some answers to the many questions I had and learn something about my problem.

I arrived at the site just on time and entered quickly so as not to give me time to regret it; Before sitting in the farthest chair I found, I managed to take a quick look at the crowd, then I noticed that there were about 20 people, more men than women, but there were people of all ages and of all strata, but they were all chatting animatedly as friends and I was struck by the fact that some of them greeted as if they already knew me. Despite the obvious general warmth, it felt like a family, and I felt like I was in the wrong place.

Which appeared to be the moderator or manager stood from his chair and greeted the group loudly and immediately the room was silent and everyone stood up looking for the people who they each had on their right and left. Then I, feeling ridiculous, ended up holding hands with the two people next to me.

Once we were all holding hands with someone, the group in unison recited the prayer of serenity, something that made me feel pathetic, with that allergy that I have to everything religious; I believed that my fears were confirmed that these groups were a kind of mystical community.

At the end of the sentence we all sat down, while I, remembering the films and parodies where they dramatize the mechanics of these groups, I supposed that now some little guy of these would come forward who, with that sly smile as false as a leather coin, would say his name, he would declare himself an alcoholic and that after the applause of the group he would begin to talk about how wonderful life was without having a drink .

But it was not like that… The moderator opened a book and evoked the first of the twelve steps and immediately read a short paragraph that referred to the importance of taking this step and, after making a brief personal comment on the reading, began to give the floor to those who raised their hands.

I was so busy analyzing people for their clothing that I could not or was not interested in listening carefully to the first testimonies they gave, until a girl of about 15 years, crying, commented that every time she had the thought that she could not have a single drink for the rest of her life made her depressed, and that she was reluctant to accept that she was an alcoholic. She told us that she had stayed sober, for the fear that it would happen again that she would wake up naked with a stranger and without knowing how she had gotten there or what had happened.

Immediately, that testimony made me remember some episodes that I had buried very deep and that I did not want to remember… Yes, something similar had happened to me: On two occasions I ended up in bed, not with strangers but with women that, with me being sober, I wouldn’t have slept. For that reason, I promised to myself that I would never accept a drink again or to be accompanied outside my house.

After listening to that testimony that impacted me so much, I began to listen carefully to what everyone was saying, but what I liked the most was that, to the extent that people gave testimonies, the moderator would look into his books for some brief sentence that would help with each case, and it caused me curiosity that it seemed that he knew the books almost by memory, because he would quickly find the most appropriate sentence, and although his extensive knowledge of the subject was evident, he did not comment on his life.

When the meeting was over, I left terrified because I was afraid to stay and chat with “those” people … Afraid of what? I do not know, the fact is that I did not want to risk staying and having someone ask me why I was there.

Once I got home I noticed that I felt calm, I did not have the usual anxiety to drink and I felt a peace that I had not experienced for a long time; in spite of my denial, I had to admit that I liked the meeting. After that I consulted my notes to see when the next meeting was.

For the next meeting, my attitude had changed a lot, to the point that this time I took my notebook to write down what I considered important or what I did not understand and I did my best to listen to everything that was said. I cannot deny that I was happy when they exposed some very heartbreaking testimonies that led me to compare myself and to think that I was not an alcoholic because I had never starred in such terrible things… However , my happiness did not last long because the moderator did a reading on “hitting rock bottom” then I understood that each person has their own background and that, in my case, it was not necessary to go lower to understand that I had problems with alcohol. What could be more profound than to repeatedly abandon my treatment to drink and thus risk being crippled for life?

Perhaps in the fourth or fifth meeting I went to, I was able to understand that the Alcoholics Anonymous program is spiritual, it is something internal, of the soul, and it seems to be designed for one to make changes in his character that allow him/her to harmonize with him/herself and with his/her environment, a matter that has nothing to do with religion; so my perspective on the matter took a 180 degree turn because, despite my opposition to following pastors and religious rites that I consider double-moralistic, I do believe in God, and listening to AA, they do not even speak of a god, but they speak of a force, of a superior being that, for me, is God, but that for others it may another name, and that even also has a form for atheists who do not believe that God exists, but feel that there is a cosmic force that governs the universe.

As I continued to attend the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, I got to know the 12-step program and learned many characteristics of alcoholism as well as mechanisms to control it, but perhaps what helped me most at first was understanding that alcoholism really is a disease, so it was easier for me to definitively recognize that I was an alcoholic and that my problem did have a solution.

Regardless of my positive change and my constant attendance at the groups, my doctor did not accept that I would do it without psychological or psychiatric help, so I tried finding a psychologist specialized in addictions and I was lucky to find one who guides their patients based on the twelve steps of AA. Since then, he has helped me to supplement what I learn in my meetings .

Without the help of someone, it is very difficult to understand and do the program well because one would believe that the alcoholic’s problem is alcohol, but my biggest surprise was when, thanks to the groups, I understood that the heart of the matter is to discover why alcoholics need so much from the drink… Being a successful professional with an impeccable resume, it was not easy to recognize that I was a person with such low self-esteem that it led me to seek acceptance and approval from others, standing out professionally; I also discovered and had to admit that I had significant character defects that hindered all my personal relationships, issues that together led me to emotional chaos and hence my need to take refuge in my work, in my work success, in loneliness and in alcohol.

In a very humble way, I dare to say that, at least in my case, my alcoholism problem arose from my wrong attitude towards life but, to the extent that I have understood and controlled my character defects, I have achieved an existence more harmonious with myself and with my surroundings, in such a way that it is becoming easier for me to live calmly and without thinking about alcohol.

It seems that alcoholics can never get away the desire to drink because this disease is a monster that will always be there, lurking and setting traps to seduce us; that is why attending groups is so important, since the group does not only helps us understand and manage our condition, but it also teaches us to discover and defend ourselves from the traps that the disease permanently sets us and will set us.

I cannot say that thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous today I live in a paradise because the truth is that life is beautiful, but it is also hard, and not drinking does not relieve one of the typical problems of existence but it does help face them from a more assertive perspective and obviously abstention frees one from aggravating any bad situation.

An example of this is the new challenge that I am currently experiencing: The company where I work is in a bad situation, so it began to reduce staff and recently they notified me that I would be one of the victims. Seized with worry, depressed and dead with rage that night I went to my group and, crying, I told my colleagues about the problem. Why me? Why right now that I’m in my prime, that I stopped drinking? After eleven years of giving these people the best of me!

At the end of the meeting one of my colleagues told me: “Believing that by giving up the drink you will not have problems again is the same as believing that because you are a vegetarian you can walk in front of a cow that has just calved thinking that it will not attack you.” Once he said this, he drew from his pocket a card, and handed it to me without saying anything else.

On the card was printed the prayer of serenity and I have to confess that until that day I was able to understand the enormous value of this prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

It only remains for me to say that I regret that on television, in the movies and on the radio they do humorous skits or represent AA groups in such a blurred way of reality , since this leads to people like me to form a misconception, and that makes it more difficult to make the decision to seek help . I believe that if non-alcoholics also knew the spiritual philosophies of Alcoholics Anonymous and tried to live by applying at least part of them, there would not be such unhappy people and this world would be so much better.

How to Quit Drinking – The 8 “Simple” Steps to a New Sober You

Written by Mike Jacobsen.

I put “simple” in quotation marks because while it may look simple written down quitting drinking is one of the hardest things someone suffering from A.U.D. can do.

That is why in this post I am going to be detailing the 8 steps you can take to help you get from the here and now (Drinking) to the promised land (Sobriety).

Step 0 – Read and adapt

Just a quick upfront warning. Sobriety, and getting sober, isn’t a one size fits all approach. Each person is unique and each person needs to find their own path. Find the way that best suits their specific needs.

That being said these 8 steps are designed to be a good starting block for EVERYONE. Think of it like this. Everyone cooks and eats differently. Some people have food sensitivities. Some people just don’t like certain things. Some people like to use the grill, others prefer frying, while others again use the oven.

Lazy people like me microwave everything – sometimes unsuccessfully.

So trying to create a plan that suits everyone is impossible. Can’t be done. But what you can do is give people a guide to the kitchen, explain how all of the appliances work. Tell them what food is available. Teach them some cooking techniques, provide them with some recipes and then they will be able to make a meal that is suitable for them.

That is what I am trying to do here. Everyone is different, so telling someone they have to do X in order to stay sober just isn’t going to work. There’s a popular thought that all alcohol abusers should be in AA. But not everyone responds well to AA. What I want to instill in everyone is this idea of ‘take what you need and leave the rest behind’. If at the end of the day you are happy and comfortable in your sobriety does it really matter how you got there? If you make a perfectly serviceable grilled cheese but you didn’t follow the recipe exactly does it make the grilled cheese any less tasty? Of course not.

RTLAO stop drinking program — The RTLAO system. Really rolls off the tongue.

Read the steps
Take what is going to work for you
Leave what is not going to work for you
Adapt
Overcome

“A Step Program? How Original”

Yes, yes ok. I know that you are probably sick to death of Step programs. I was looking for a different name to call this program but I couldn’t think of a better one. Phases or Stages didn’t sound right. And tips or tricks sounded gimmicky bordering on scam-like.

8 tricks to stop drinking alcohol — This is what comes to mind when I hear people trying to push “alcoholism cures”

But then I just thought if it works, it works. These steps are not in competition with the 12 Step Program from AA. In fact if you are following the 12 Step program – or plan to – I believe these steps will actually help. Both programs have different things to offer. And both programs can work together to provide great benefit.

The main difference between the steps below and of the 12 steps you see in AA is that the 12 Step Program is a more spiritual program designed to get your mind, body and soul into a state in which you no longer need or want to drink. Through the program you come to learn your place in the Universe and form a deeper relationship with “God as you understand him”. Very high level stuff, focused more on the spirituality aspect of sobriety.

My steps on the other hand are practical, on the nose, here is what you need to do and here is when you need to do it in order to stop drinking.

These steps are a blueprint of exactly what needs to be done at a low level. AA’s 12 steps are great at high level discussions and having you come to terms with yourself as a person; understanding your role in the addiction cycle. Lots of introspection takes place and hopefully by the end of the 12 steps you are more well rounded person who understands the reasons why they drink (drank) and who now has the emotional maturity to keep away from drink going forward. My steps on the other hand will tell you to pack some laxatives in your rehab kit because sometimes coming off the ale will block you up.

High level and low level. The 12 Steps are the overall strategy. These 8 steps are the plan. This is what we need to do.

When I quit drinking the first time – notice I said first time – I went in without a plan. I thought “I’ll just not drink again…how hard could it be?”

Turned out it was pretty hard. I was drinking again not long thereafter.

Then there were the countless times that I would drunkenly promise myself, or my family, that this was the last time. This time was different. This time I meant it.

Well I should have known better than to trust a drunk!

I would tell myself no more in the evening but would be right back on it the next day. Sometimes even the next morning (hair of the dog!).

I have no doubt that the people in my life just rolled their eyes every time I said I would quit drinking. I know for sure that my drinking “buddies” never believed a word I said.

And truth be told I didn’t believe it myself.

Not really.

I always knew deep down that I was lying to myself.

It wasn’t until this last time when I said “I quit” that I knew it was for real. I knew this time around that I had drank my last drink.

So what was different about this time?

This time I realised that quitting drinking required more than just saying “I quit drinking”.

In fact let’s call that step number 1:

Step 1 – Get in the right frame of mind

Sobriety is a journey not a destination”

Nobody ever said getting (and keeping) sober was going to be easy. Or if they did they were probably trying to sell you something.

Going into this you need to know that it is going to be difficult. There are going to be occasions when it all feels like too much and that drinking is the only solution.

The trick is to know this going in. Know that you need to prepare for the journey ahead. Just like with any journey you need to make sure you make the required preparations.

You wouldn’t climb a mountain before doing any research, doing any planning or without any gear. So don’t tackle alcohol addiction without knowing what is to come and putting a plan in place.

Some things you need to know going in:

You WILL feel like shit for the first few days or more depending on how much you were drinking in the lead up to quitting – especially if you are quitting cold turkey.
You WILL lose some of your drinking friends. Particularly if they are not supportive of your changes.
You WILL get peppered with questions if you share that you are sober now (Or when they see you not drinking).
You WILL need to make changes to your life to prevent relapse (more on this later)
You MAY lapse. (Don’t let it turn into a relapse)

It’s important you know these things going in so you are ready to tackle them head on. It is remarkably easy to pick up a drink that inevitably turns into a lot more, and then soon enough you are right back where you started. A lot of sober people have done it – Hell the first time I quit I relapsed and took another few years before I got back onto the sobriety train. The key is to try and not let a one off bender lead into a full relapse. “Don’t let a lapse turn into a relapse“.

At this stage I recommend everyone to get their mind right in two ways; firstly by coming up with a list of reasons why you want to quit drinking. Write these down somewhere where you can look back on them whenever things are difficult. I always recommend writing these down as a hybrid letter/list. You are trying to tell future-you why they quit drinking in the first place. A straight list of reasons might not be enough to get the point across. What do you think is the best way to get through to you? Put that down on paper and keep it close by at all times.

Secondly I recommend you begin thinking about potential stumbling blocks. What is going to block you from achieving your goal? What triggers do you think will tempt you into drinking? Start thinking about how you are going to avoid these.

Just keep thinking at the moment. Putting these thoughts to paper comes later.

Step 2 – Make an appointment with a Doctor

I’ll keep this step and the next one somewhat non-descript as I am not a Doctor and you are not my patient.

You absolutely must make an appointment with your Doctor before embarking on any plan to quit drinking.

The reason for this is quite simple; quitting drinking can be dangerous.

You see alcohol is a sedative. Which means it relaxes you. The brain, in order to operate properly, needs to overcome these effects so goes into a hyperactive state to negate the effects of the alcohol. When you drink constantly the body is always in this sedative induced state and the brain is always working in a hyperactive state to counterbalance.

If you suddenly stop drinking the brain is still going to be firing off as if it is working to overcome. But without the alcohol as a counterbalance the brain can work itself into overdrive. And like the fan on your computer; when it works itself up like that it can just go kaput. In our case that can mean a stroke.

And strokes are not something to take lightly

But it’s not just strokes. Withdrawals can present the following symptoms (non-exhaustive list):

Shaky hands
Headache
Nausea
Vomiting
Insomnia
Sweating
Confusion
Racing heart
High blood pressure
Fever
Heavy sweating
Hallucination
Constipation

So not a fun day out at the beach at all.

This is why it is crucial that you speak to a Doctor before embarking on any plans to quit drinking.

They will be able to get a better understanding of your current drinking levels, your current health levels and be able to advise whether Cold Turkey, Tapering or Medical Supervision is the best path for you.

Step 3 – Stop Drinking

Bit weird that “Stop Drinking” is one of the steps on this list isn’t it? A list of steps on how to quit drinking and “Stop Drinking” is only step 3.

That’s right though. The goal that we are aiming for is to get sober and stay sober. Stopping drinking is only the first part (well 3rd part :-)) of that.

Once you get to this step your Doctor should have advised you how to go about stopping.

If you haven’t seen a Doctor yet go back up to Step 2 above.

So yeah as I was saying. Your Doctor should have advised you what method to use when weening yourself off the booze.

So what is the best way to stop drinking? Generally speaking there are 3 ways to quit drinking:

Cold Turkey

If you are going to go cold turkey I recommend that you do not have a “big last night” it is only going to make your withdrawal pains even worse and increase the risk of serious symptoms. If you absolutely must have one more blowout (which again I do not recommend) do it a few days before you quit for good.

Tapering

Tapering is a reduction process where you gradually reduce the number of drinks you have each day over a certain period of time.

The obvious downside of tapering is the fact that it requires you to restrict your drinking. Which is a lot harder than the above graph makes it seem. After all if i could control how much I drank I wouldn’t be in recovery!

Medically Assisted

Your Doctor will be able to walk you through what medical options are available. What will be offered to you will depend on your circumstances but will generally consist of some medication that will reduce the chance of stroke, help with the nausea, help with re-hydration and control your urges.

Step 4 – Manage Through the Withdrawals

Particularly relevant for those of you going cold turkey as you will likely be the hardest hit by withdrawals.

I recommend taking 7 days off. Book it in your diary. 7 days.

via GIPHY

Most people won’t need the full 7. The majority* of the withdrawal symptoms will be gone after 3-4 days and the last few days can be spent following Steps 5 and 6 in peace.

*you are likely to still feel a bit shitty for a couple weeks after quitting but the bulk of the symptoms should subside after a few days

Some people will need even less time still, perhaps you were already tapering off and the last step into stopping drinking was made relatively (relatively!) easy.

Then there will be other people who need more than the 7 days. If you have been drinking regularly for a long period of time before quitting then it might take you longer to get over the worst of it

What you will need

A quiet place to bunker down for a week (Home, Airbnb, hotel)
Time off work
A check-in buddy

What you need to know

https://www.silverpinestreatmentcenter.com/addiction-blog/alcohol-withdrawal-timeline/

What you need to do in advance

Book time off work
Find a quiet place to hole up for a week
Arrange for a friend to check in on you throughout the week
Sort out all of your clothes for the week
Prepare all of your food for the week
Prepare your miscellaneous items (towels, bed sheets, a fan, a portable heater, a bucket, moisturizer, laxatives)
Get your vitamins, re-hydration packs, sleeping pills etc.
Get the all clear from your doctor
Get your house in order (make sure any bills are paid, there’s someone to take the bins out, dog walkers etc.)
Stock up on smokes (you should quit smoking but this isn’t the time think about that)
Entertainment (a week is a long time)
Write down your reasons for quitting (as mentioned before)
Get rid of the booze in your house

The aim here is to not have to leave the house at all if you don’t want to.

What to do for the 7 days

Try to live like a cat. Eat and sleep.

Eat, sleep, keep hydrated, keep entertained, don’t drink, repeat.

Try to keep outside interactions to a minimum. I recommend taking the sim card out of your phone and installing a new messaging app that only your check-in buddy has access to. Go no contact for the week.

Your body will be going through the symptoms of withdrawal so exercise will probably be out of the question. If you feel upto it though definitely try to get out and walk around for a bit. But don’t force it.

Get food delivered if you don’t feel like cooking – definitely do not go hungry! Eat even if you feel nauseous and keep drinking water throughout the day.

Step 5 – Hit the Meetings

Not a bad tune actually

90 meetings in 90 days. That’s what they tell you.

If that seems like too much. Then at least try for 7 in 7.

Meetings are not for everyone. But I always recommend that newly sober people at least give them a try before writing them off.

Meetings serve several purposes. The main one being that they provide the newly sober with human contact. And not just regular human contact. Empathetic contact. Contact with someone that knows the struggle. Contact that will listen to you – with no judgement. And if you don’t want to talk; Contact that will provide guidance through relatable sharing.

The reason why they say do 90 in 90, and the reason why I am saying at least do 7 in 7 is because meetings are as unique as the people who go to them.

Each meeting is different and just trying out one is a disservice to yourself and your sobriety. Try and hit each meeting in your local area before you make a decision on whether they are right for you. Also try and branch out further than AA. There are other meeting providers that provide a different program than AA. See if any of them are in your area

Just to note some of these are alternatives to the group support aspect of AA while some are alternatives to the 12 step program as a means of quitting drinking.

Smart Recovery – “Self-Management And Recovery Training (SMART) is a global community of mutual-support groups. At meetings, participants help one another resolve problems with any addiction (to drugs or alcohol or to activities such as gambling or over-eating). Participants find and develop the power within themselves to change and lead fulfilling and balanced lives guided by our science-based and sensible 4-Point Program®.”

LifeRing – “LifeRing Secular Recovery is an organization of people who share practical experiences and sobriety support. There are as many ways to live free of drugs and alcohol as there are stories of successful sober people. Many LifeRing members attend other kinds of meetings or recovery programs, and we honor those decisions. Some have had negative experiences in attempting to find help elsewhere, but most people soon find that LifeRing’s emphasis on the positive, practical present-day can turn anger and despair into hope and resolve. LifeRing respectfully embraces what works for each individual.”

Women for Sobriety – “Women for Sobriety, Inc., is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping women discover a happy New Life in recovery from Substance Use Disorders. Founded in 1975, the WFS New Life Program is based on thirteen Acceptance Statements which encourage emotional and spiritual growth. WFS has certified moderators and chat leaders leading mutual support groups online and in person, as well as phone volunteers available for one-on-one support. Any woman seeking an abstinent New Life is welcome to join WFS, and all expressions of female identity are welcome.”

SOS Sobriety – “Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS) is a nonprofit network of autonomous, non-professional local groups, dedicated solely to helping individuals achieve and maintain sobriety/abstinence from alcohol and drug addiction, food addiction and more.”

HAMS – “HAMS is a peer-led and free-of-charge support and informational group for anyone who wants to change their drinking habits for the better. The acronym HAMS stands for Harm reduction, Abstinence, and Moderation Support. HAMS Harm Reduction strategies are defined in the 17 elements of HAMS. HAMS offers support via an online forum, a chat room, an email group, a facebook group, and live meetings. We also offer harm reduction information via the HAMS Book, the articles on this web site, and the HAMS podcast. HAMS supports every positive change. Choose your own goal – safe drinking, reduced drinking, or quitting alcohol altogether.”

The Sinclair Method – “The Sinclair Method (TSM) is a treatment for alcohol addiction that uses a technique called pharmacological extinction—the use of an opiate blocker to turn habit-forming behaviors into habit erasing behaviors. The effect returns a person’s craving for alcohol to its pre-addiction state.

In a few months, most people can cut down their alcohol consumption to safe levels and many stop drinking alcohol for good. It is important to comply with the instructions at all times.”

Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Control Alcohol – “Allen Carr established himself as the world’s greatest authority on helping people stop smoking, and his internationally best-selling Easy Way to Stop Smoking has been published in over 40 languages and sold more than 10 million copies.

In this classic guide Allen applies his revolutionary method to drinking. With startling insight into why we drink and clear, simple, step-by-step instructions, he shows you the way to escape from the ‘alcohol trap’ in the time it takes to read this book.”

We have a reader review of his book on this site that you can read here

Also don’t forget online meetings

https://www.intherooms.com/member/home

I’ve started to favor the online meetings of late as I feel you get to see and hear from a wider range of people. What I like – or rather what I find comforting – is that the people in these meetings can come from all walks of life and be so different. Different ages, races, sexes, nationalities, different interests but then be the same when it comes to recovery. Alcohol abuse the great equalizer.

So start off with 7 in 7, try to get to 90 in 90 but don’t worry if you dial it back a bit after finding a meeting(s) that you like. Also don’t worry if you feel that meetings aren’t for you. Not everyone will respond to meetings and that doesn’t mean you can’t still get sober.

So look up your local meetings and head on over. Worst case scenario you have lost an hour of your day.

If you are worried about going to your first meeting don’t be. They are very welcoming of new users. Read this post to see what you should expect on your first visit

Step 6 – Create a Relapse Prevention Plan

I have written about relapse prevention plans before. I highly recommend checking out that article to get the full run down on what a relapse prevention plan is, how it aids sobriety, how to make one, all that good stuff.

Check out that article here

A brief recap of what is discussed in that article:

A relapse prevention plan is a written document that tries to anticipate the triggers that will occur in sobriety and details steps to take to overcome while remaining sober.

A good relapse prevention plan has 5 key areas:

Trigger Treatment Strategy – Ask yourself these 5 questions

From your answers to these questions identify your triggers and formulate a treatment strategy.

E.g.

Going to the game with the lads – Stop going the game until I feel more comfortable
Cooking dinner alone in the kitchen – Ask for help with the cooking
After a stressful day in work – Take the dog out for a walk as soon as I get home
After hearing bad news – Call my sponsor as soon as I get bad news

Craving Management

Not all triggers can be foreseen. Sometimes you will be triggered to drink by the most innocuous of things. Hell sometimes you might be triggered to drink from absolutely nothing at all.

It’s times like these you need a goto solution to take your mind off drinking.

For example mine was going for a short run. Yours could be that you take a walk, or that you meditate.

A friend of mine from my meeting says that every time he gets the urge he plays Pokemon on his gameboy (the original Pokemon Red!). He says that gets his mind off it and is still fun even after so many years.

Support Network

Sure you could do it alone. But why would you? You are many many many more times likely to succeed if you build up a reliable support network

https://bradfordhealth.com/halt-hunger-anger-loneliness-tiredness/

In Step 5 I told you to hit the meetings. Now I am telling you to put those meetings to good use. Use the support that these meetings provide. Go to the meetings, exchange numbers with other people, socialize, get a sponsor, maybe down the line even become a sponsor.

Friends and family are also important here. But only if they are supportive.

Cut adrift anyone who you think will be a risk to your sobriety

Nobody is more important than you getting and staying sober” – Tweet this

Once you are more stable in your sobriety you can start to allow these people back into your life. But to begin with if they are not helping then they can get to stepping.

Lifestyle Changes

We’ll talk about this more in Step 7. But in short what you should think about is how you are going to change your life not only to prevent you from drinking but also so that you are in a place where you do not need to drink.

This means putting in place a plan to improve each area of your life. Really examine each area and ask yourself:

How has drinking impacted this?
Will the situation as it is make me more or less likely to drink in the future?
How do I improve from my current position?

So the classic example. Job/Career. You might answer these questions like this (these are made up answers)

How has drinking impacted this? – I am unemployed because I could not hold down a job (or maybe you are underemployed because you could not get a promotion due to drinking)
Will the situation as it is make me more or less likely to drink in the future? – I am more likely to drink because the stress of unemployment is a trigger.
How do I improve from my current position? – Now that I am sober I can take a course that will improve my qualifications. I also need to create a Linkedin profile and start applying for jobs.

Set a timeframe to renew

That’s all that is needed for this stage. Just pop a date on the top of what you have written and come back to it at this time.

Pro tip – if you have typed up your plan then you can email it to yourself and set a reminder to follow up.

At first I recommend setting a shorter time period of 1 month. That is enough time for you to get comfortable in your sobriety and to start making the changes outlined in your plan.

Then after you have done your month, look back on the plan and see how much you have grown.

Once the month is up you start all over again. This time it will be a lot easier as you’ll have the experience under your belt – plus you don’t need to write as much! Just update what you wrote before with any new changes.

Once you have one month in the bank move it up to a 3 month renewal, then a 6 and then yearly updates going forward.

Step 7 – Rebuild your life

I think it’s fair to say that there is no area of life that is improved by alcohol abuse.

Maybe your relationship with the local shopkeeper.

But other than that alcohol is a drain on all of the key life markers.

So now that you are sober why not actively target each area and make your life noticeably better?

Let’s knock at each area and see how drinking has affected it and how we can rebuild/improve.

Money

I dived into this in a recent post I made – Where Did My Money Go? The Hidden Costs of Alcohol Use Disorder – In that post we looked at how damaging alcohol can be on the old wallet.

Not only do you spend money on drinking – which can cost a lot already – but there are a bunch of hidden costs that you don’t really account for. Things like taxis, food, increased health costs. Also alcohol lowers your inhibitions which causes an increase in gambling, drunken purchases and an overall tendency to overspend.

Luckily the impacts to your finances are largely resolved by your decision to quit drinking. Once you stop shelling out money for booze your disposable income will skyrocket.

What will not be easily resolved however are any debts you may have racked up either while drinking or because of drinking.

First off find out what, if any, debt you have. Comb through your recent bank statements for charges, get a free credit report from one of the major reference agencies and just look around your home for any correspondence (I used to throw letters into a box next to the couch – most of them weren’t even opened!).

Now armed with that knowledge make a plan to pay off this debt. I like the Avalanche Method of debt repayment. Click here to learn more about that. In simple terms the debt avalanche method has you pay off the minimum on all of your debts except for the one with the highest interest rate. This one you pay off the most you can afford. Once this is paid off you do the same for the one with the next highest interest rate. And so on and so forth.

If you have a lot of debt or believe you are in trouble of not being able to pay your debts consider reaching out to a debt charity

StepChange (UK)
Debt.org (USA)

Career

Very closely related to money that we have just talked about. Since your career is going to largely determine how much money you make.

Even the most high functioning of alcohol abusers will probably admit that their career has probably been impacted by alcohol use. Without the booze we would be a lot further along with our career goals than we are.

After all who is more likely to get the promotion. Drunk/hungover, unreliable employee? Or the sober employee who shows up on time, doesn’t take excessive sick days and gets all his work done?

Exactly.

So now that you are sober what can you do? Well my advice is to do the following (and this advice is the same for you whether you are employed or unemployed)

Make sure your CV is as polished as it can be. If you have the spare resource consider hiring a CV writer to give it the once over.
Get profiles made on all of the major recruiting sites in your industry (i.e. Linkedin, Indeed, CWjobs etc.). On Linkedin try to get your current and ex-colleagues to endorse you.
Bolster your CV with a new skill or qualification. Can’t really give specific advice here as each industry/career is different. But you are going to have a lot more free time now that you are sober. Why not put some of it to use improving your knowledge or skills in a way that will boost your earning potential?
Apply for new jobs. Yes even if you are already employed. The damage is likely to be done in that company and if you want to progress you should move to pastures new. Try to keep on the good side of your colleagues and ask any senior staff that you are friendly with if they will provide you with a reference. Then jump ship.

Health

Alcohol is a poison. It negatively impacts every organ, every system, every cell in your body. Here’s a quick video showing all the ways it really fucks your body up:

So now that you are sober you want to reverse this damage as much as possible.

You are already seeing a Doctor anyway as part of Step 2. So make a followup appointment with them. Get a full checkup and follow any advice they give you.

Next start a fitness regimen. Nothing too strenuous at first. Couch to 5k from the NHS is a good one. Something that gets you back into shape. Also start eating healthy.

Obviously this isn’t a requirement per se. You’re living a much healthier life as it is just by not drinking. And for sure if eating like shit and slobbing on the couch works for you then more power to you. Do what feels right. However as the saying goes…

Healthy body, healthy mind.

The better you feel the more likely you are to succeed in your sobriety.

Relationships

Do I need to mention how alcohol will have affected the relationship you have with other people? I don’t think it will come as any surprise to anyone when I say that alcohol will have negatively affected your relationships. I would say probably all of your relationships.

You know this as well. Other people will have told you as much. It is probably one of the reasons you are here reading this in the first place.

Well now that we are sober we can seek to repair these relationships.

Those of you with experience with the 12 step program will already know the best way we can seek to fix these relationships. And as I said earlier these 8 steps are not in competition with the 12 steps, they are not mutually exclusive. They can be used in conjunction.

And that’s what we’re going to do. In order to fix our relationships we are going to be lifting directly from Steps 8 & 9:

These two steps are great for relationship repairing. For step 8 sit down and really think about everyone you have wronged through your alcohol abuse.

Then step 9 is to reach out to those people and seek to repair the relationship. Here’s a good video I was recently sent that looks at both of these steps.

Some important things to keep in mind when reading the above steps and when you are trying to repair relationships:

Do not make amends with people if the reason your relationship is fractured is not entirely due to your drinking AND you are not ‘over’ what ever else is happening. If you have other unresolved issues with this person make sure that you are ready to deal with the whole package before you reach out.
In step 9 it refers to “them or others” when saying do not make amends if it would cause harm. Remember that you are part of “others”. If you feel as though making amends with this person is going to cause you harm THEN DO NOT REACH OUT. And I am not just talking about physical harm here. If you feel you will come out of this emotionally worse off then this could be a threat to your sobriety and you should delay making amends.
Some people wont forgive you. Be prepared for that.
Not every ‘harm’ needs to be accounted for. I’ve seen people go through big notebooks full of people they have harmed with pages and pages of instances of drunken behavior. While yes we are taking a moral inventory there are some things that you can let slide. Think big and medium ticket items only. Re-living every single instance of alcohol related douschebaggery is not good for your mental health – and therefore your recovery.
Similarly don’t reach out to every tom, dick and harry you’ve ever met just to apologize. It might feel good for you but you might just be putting people into an awkward spot, particularly if you are not really close with this person. For those people maybe just write down your transgressions and make a plan to apologize if your paths cross again.

Hobbies

What is it that you like to do? What inspires you? What makes you laugh? What piques your interest?

What did you used to do for fun when you were a kid? A teenager? In College?

What have you always wanted to try but “didn’t have the time”?

When you quit drinking you are going to find that you have an abundance of free time.

All that time spent in the pub or sat around drinking. Gone.

All that time spent recovering on the couch. Gone.

Once you get free of the drunk / hungover cycle your days will feel longer. This is why not only are you able to pick up some hobbies but you also really need to pick up hobbies. The alternative is just long days with nothing to fill them. From there comes boredom. With boredom comes restlessness and with restlessness comes a lapse.

So get out there and have fun. You have to. For your sobriety’s sake.

Step 8 – Live your life

Yeah that’s Step 8. Go. Live.

If you’ve completed Steps 1-7 you will now hopefully be in a place where you are no longer addicted to or abusing alcohol.

This doesn’t mean that you should try drinking again.

There will come a point in your recovery that you will start to think:

I’ve been sober so long I bet I can handle drinking moderate amounts responsibly”
Everyone in recovery – multiple occasions

No you can’t.

Just remember that you wouldn’t be here reading this extremely long post (6000+ words) if you could drink responsibly

In fact go back on over to Step 6 – where you made your relapse prevention plan – and add in as a potential trigger:

“I might think I am cured and can drink responsibly again”

Write that into your plan and then come up with a good treatment strategy that you will enact when that time comes.

Here is mine:

I have this saved in my phone with other inspirational pictures (and some memes)

I read that whenever that little voice in my head says to go out and just have one or two. If I was able to just have one or two that would be great. But I have never been able to before so I don’t know why I would start now.

So keep on track with the goals and strategies laid out in your relapse prevention plan.

Continue to adjust to your new life free of alcohol.

And most importantly begin to enjoy life again.

That’s it from me. If you are not drinking…

IWNDWYT – I will not drink with you today!

8 Tips for Being the Only Sober person at the Party

Written by Mike Jacobsen.

When I used to drink it used to be very weird to meet someone out at a bar or a party who didn’t drink. It actually made me feel a bit uncomfortable and I would make any excuse to leave the conversation.

“What’s wrong with that guy? Is he not going to be super bored?”

Truth be told I couldn’t even fathom the idea that someone could go out and have fun without drinking. It was just inconceivable to me.

Why would you go out if you weren’t drinking. What would you do?!

Well now it’s me who is the sober one. I am the one at parties sticking to the waters.

And you know what?

I still have fun. I no longer need to drink to enjoy myself. I like spending time with my friends and my family with a clear head.

And so can you. It might take a few tries to get the hang of operating sober – and I am not saying you need to be the life and soul of the party. But you can still go out, and you can still enjoy yourselves, even if you stay sober. Plus there is significantly reduced risk of doing something you regret.

That is why in this post I am going to share 8 tips I have learned through the years to cope (and thrive) while sober at a party

Contents

1 – Don’t Go
2 – Have an Exit Strategy
3 – Prepare for an Onslaught of Questions
4 – Prepare for Peer pressure
5 – Check in With Your Sponsor
6 – Remember your Reasons
7 – Picture the Alternative
8 – Have Fun

1 – Don’t Go

Let’s start off with the easiest tip.

Just don’t go.

If you are worried that going to a party is going to put your sobriety at risk then don’t go.

I say it all the time: it is ok to be a little bit selfish when it comes to your sobriety.

If that means you have to say no to going to a party then that’s what you gotta do.

People will understand. You will find that people are a lot more understanding than we initially give them credit for.

Just let them know that you don’t feel that going to a party where alcohol is served at this time is right for you and your recovery.

Or if you don’t know them that well just say you can’t go and don’t give a reason.

But once you are more comfortable in your sobriety you will want to be able to go to parties without worrying about a relapse. With that in mind don’t worry we have some more tips for that.

2 – Have an Exit Strategy

Always know when and how you are leaving. But also be aware of how you can duck out early should the need arise.

If you are going to the party with someone else then make sure they are committed to the exit strategy as well. Consider taking seperate cars so that you are not reliant on another person wanting to leave at the same time as you.

3 – Prepare for an Onslaught of Questions

“Why aren’t you drinking”
“How long have you not been drinking”
“How much did you used to drink”
“Are you sure you’re not pregnant” (I’m a man and I still get that one)
“What was your usual drink”
“What’s the most you’ve ever drank”
“Do you go to meetings”
“Did you get a DUI is that why you’re not drinking”

And many many more.

It is in people’s nature to ask questions and you will likely be a novelty to people. When I go to parties I know that I am often the only person there who is of age and not drinking so I do kind of stick out.

Now that I have been sober for a while I don’t actually mind these questions. It’s only when people go on and on about it that it starts to annoy me. When that happens I just say “listen can we talk about something else” and that usually moves the conversation along.

You might need to be direct with some people and explicitly say you don’t want to talk about your sobriety with them. Some people just don’t get the hint.

With these people I give them a chance and tell them I don’t want to talk about it any more. Then if they continue to press I simply walk away. It is not rude to leave a conversation that you have said you don’t want to have. They were being rude continuing to press.

Either way just make sure you know that there will be questions and think about how you are going to handle that.

4 – Prepare for Peer pressure

I split this out from the questions tip above because I think peer pressure is different. Asking questions is one thing but actively trying to get you to drink is another.

But it happens. A lot.

Often it will be people who don’t know any better and don’t realise that drinking was a seriously issue for you. With these people a simple “No – and stop asking” should be enough.

However there will be other people who push it a bit too far.

You will find that the people who take it too far are also the people who drink too much themselves. I’m not a psychologist but it’s probably a case of being in denial about their own drinking and lashing out at others.

Make sure you remember that these people exist and that you might be unlucky enough to run into them. The best course of action I have found is to ignore them. Failing that is to get safety in numbers. If other people are around to see them behaving like an ass then they are less likely to do so.

5 – Check in With Your Sponsor

Sponsors are a big thing in AA groups. After learning from the big book and following the 12-step program getting a sponsor is one of the core philosophies.

Simply put a sponsor is a sobriety mentor. If you have a sponsor then you should definitely let them know that you are heading to a party where there will be alcohol and ask that they check in with you throughout the day/evening.

If you have a good sponsor they will also be able to tell you if they think you are ready for a party in the first place.

When you are at the party you should always keep in mind that you can step out at any time and give your sponsor a call.

If you don’t have a sponsor then try talking with a close friend or relative. Let them know you might want to speak with them during the party and see if they are open to being ‘on call’ as it were.

6 – Remember your Reasons

Everyone has their own reasons for quitting drinking. For some it is because drinking was causing health issues. For others it was impacting relationships with friends and family. Perhaps money reasons drove you to quit.

The reality is that the true driver for you quitting is probably a little bit of all of those reasons and some others.

You had a drinking problem and you decided to quit.

When you are at a party and are being tempted into drinking remember your reasons for quitting.

Pro tip: Write down your reasons and take them with you so you can read through them when you feel tested

7 – Picture the Alternative

If you weren’t at this party sober where would you be? Probably at this party drinking, right?

How do you think that would go? I know if it was me then it would mean some pre-drinks before the party. Then slamming back a lot more drinks than anyone else once I was at the party.

I would definitely be the last one to leave and there would probably be some drinking alone if I couldn’t find anyone to drink with me afterwards.

Plus there is a near certain chance that I would say or do something embarassing or regretful while I was drunk.

That’s just how it goes and is why I no longer drink.

So when you are at a party and are starting to question your decision to remain sober just think about what it will be like if you drink.

8 – Have Fun

This is how I dance when sober via GIPHY

It is a party after-all. So there’s no drinking what else is there to do?

I’m not the most outgoing person in the world so I always try to eye up a pool table and hang around there.

If there’s no pool table I look around for any other activities.

Worst case scenario I just find a quiet corner, grab a few of my friends and just shoot the breeze. If I can’t find a few friends at a party why am I even there!?

The key thing is to stop relating alcohol with fun. Alcohol doesn’t make things fun. You make them fun. If you need alcohol to enjoy something then do you really actually enjoy it? – Tweet This

That’s all the tips I have for now. If you have any tips for enjoying a party without drinking please reply in the comments below. If not then take it easy and…

IWNDWYT – I will not drink with your today.

Coronavirus & Your Sobriety – Handling Self-Isolation Without Relapsing

Written by Mike Jacobsen.

Day 2 of self-isolation and the people have resorted to cannibalism after one inmate ate the last turkey dinosaur.

Ok well it’s not quite that bad…yet.

After reading the latest guidance from the UK government I decided to self-isolate myself for the next week. This is mainly because through my work with a local outreach charity I know a number of high risk people (unfortunately years of alcohol abuse means you have a higher risk of dying from things like this coronavirus). While I feel somewhat fine in myself at the moment I didn’t want to risk transferring it to someone else – and have that on my conscience.

So I am self-isolating. While at the same time trying to maintain my own sobriety. This is going to be a challenge. Particularly since I know how easily I get bored when I’m stuck in the house.

If you are also self-isolating – or if you just need someone to talk to about alcohol abuse and sobriety – then reach out to me. I answer every email I get personally so you know you will always have someone you can reach out to.

Contents

Why boredom is the enemy
Get in the right mindset
Get rid of any booze in the house
Be online
Be productive
Keep entertained
Be active
Be social

Why boredom is the enemy

Boredom is one of the biggest causes of relapse. When you are just starting out it can be difficult transitioning from a life consumed by drinking to a life with a lot of free time.

All that free time makes it difficult to stay busy and engaged all of the time. Throw in the mix the coronavirus and having to stay at home and you have yourself a perfect recipe for poor decision making, restlessness, loneliness, anger and finally relapse.

So while we are self-isolating it is important we keep in mind that boredom leads to relapse and take steps to mitigate this risk.

Get in the right mindset

Self-isolation isn’t easy. Going sober isn’t easy.

Trying to do both at the same time – isn’t easy.

It’s important that you realize this so that you can properly prepare yourself. Any relapse prevention plans you have made for yourself may need to be re-evaluated.

In previous posts I have talked about how you are allowed to be a little bit selfish when it comes to your sobriety. By that I meant that you should not feel bad about saying ‘No’ to friends and family if what they are asking of you is likely to threaten your sobriety.

Unfortunately that doesn’t really apply in the current situation. If you are in isolation because you are showing signs of having the virus (or if you know you have the virus) then purposely coming into contact with other people for any reason is more than a little bit selfish.

That’s just the way it is I’m afraid. I am in isolation myself and I know that I could really do with getting out the house and sitting in on a meeting. However I know that there are one or two elderly people in local meetings and I would feel awful if my going to the meeting caused them to fall ill.

Telling a friend you can’t drive them to the pub because you are uncomfortable being near pubs at the moment – little bit selfish, but needs to be done

Leaving the house when under self-isolation to sit in an enclosed space with high risk members of the public – more than a little bit selfish, bit of a dick move, don’t do it.

Putting yourself in the right mindset ahead of time will help you down the road. Knowing what is to come will allow you to prepare mentally to get through it.

With that in mind here are some of the things that I have been doing while cooped up.

Get rid of any booze in the house

Fairy typical step when going sober is to get rid of the booze in your house. There will be times when you are tempted to take a drink and the best thing we can do for ourselves is to make it difficult to give into that temptation.

Now that we’re confined to our home for the next week or so we should look to do this again. Since I have been sober for a while now I no longer feel tempted by having alcohol around the house. And since I am not the only person living here there is sometimes alcohol around the house.

Having said that though, this is new territory for me. I do not know how I am going to feel after being stuck here for a week or longer. With that in mind I have spoken with the people I live with and asked for all alcohol to be removed until I am no longer under self-isolation

Asking for there not to be alcohol around the house while you are quarantined – a little bit selfish (allowed)

Be online

Meetings, podcasts, blogs, ebooks. Everything can be done online these days.

A lot of food delivery companies are even doing contactless delivery in response to calls for ‘social distancing’. They come to your house, place the food on your door-step, ring your doorbell and then take off. So you can still get your favorite meals while you are on lock-down.

Sneaky via GIPHY

Many meetings are also looking at switching to online. My local meeting has been called off for at least two weeks. However they have setup a Whatsapp group for all of the members to keep in contact and help where they can.

If you can I suggest you reach out to the co-ordinator of your meeting and suggest they take your meetings online as opposed to outright cancelling them. Better a temporary online group than no group at all.

There are also some support groups that are always online:

/r/stopdrinking – one of my favorite subreddits. They have a 24/7 chat room for visitors to talk through their issues. Check that out here

Intherooms.com – Hosting 15+ video meetings a day Intherooms is a great replacement for live meetings. Just log-in find a meeting for you and join. If you have a webcam/microphone then you will be able to live share, otherwise you can sit back and listen (what I mainly do in meetings anyway).

SoberRecovery Forums – Or if old school forums are more your style the community over at Sober Recovery boasts over 168,000 members. Why not get started in one of their Newcomers threads?

Or if just listening is your thing check out this great post on the best sobriety podcasts

Be productive

You are stuck in the house, may as well make the most of it.

Are there any chores you have been putting off? Maybe now is the time for a big spring clean.

Is there anything you can be learning that will help your future career prospects? Maybe taking an online course to gain some additional professional qualifications would be a productive use of this down time.

Is there a home improvement project you have been thinking about? I’ve been eyeing up the spare room the past couple of days. It definitely could do with the wall paper being re-done. Maybe a couple of shelves being knocked up as well.

Artists rendition via GIPHY

Is there a new skill you have always wanted to learn? Literally anything can be found on youtube these days. As long as you have the time and space to practice why not give it a go. Just imagine how good you will feel leaving isolation with a new skill under your belt, instead of having just killed the time off with netflix. Or worse…drinking.

Keep entertained

There are 24 hours in a day. Assuming you sleep 8 hours a day that leaves 16. That is 16 hours we need to fill from morning through to night.

If you can fill this time with productive activities without going crazy then I tip my cap to you.

For the rest of us mere mortals we will need something to keep us entertained after we grow tired of being productive.

What I have done is pull both TV’s into the one room and have set up my playstation on one and Netflix on the other. Currently I am doing another run through of the latest Spiderman game while watching season 2 of Altered Carbon. Not a bad way to spend your day I tell you!

The number of entertainment services we have available to us these days is truly crazy. Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney+, Youtube, Podcasts, Ebooks, Xbox Live, PSN, Steam.

And that’s just online services. Don’t forget about board games, DVDs, books, card games, magazines. With same day shipping you can get whatever you want delivered to your house in next to no time.

Just one or two of the above could be enough to keep you entertained for a week or more.

Be active

Alcohol is a poison. We all know that.

After years of abusing our body it is important that in our sobriety we do all we can to reverse this damage by eating right and by getting exercise.

Self-isolation is absolutely no excuse to start slipping on this. There are plenty of exercises that you can do from your own home.

This is the one that I have been doing the past two days:

This is where the internet is our saving grace once again. Youtube has literally millions of exercise and training videos for you to workout to. The above is just the first one I found and liked the look of. Try it out for yourself. Use the search function to find the exact type of workout program for you.

As an example you could search for:

“Advanced Yoga Workout” – which would bring you to this video – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A56qWHCTP6w

“Indoor Dumbbell Workout” – brings you to this fella – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQZJlSAuOTc

“Overweight Cardio Workout” – everyone has to start somewhere – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4ploouAfWI

As you can see all you need is an internet connection and a small area to workout in and you can get just as good a workout as you can elsewhere.

If you still miss the outdoors remember that you are self isolating from other people. Not places. So the gym is a no go as there will always be other people there. But is there somewhere you can jog that will have no-one around?

I have been getting up at 4am (time has no meaning when you are in the house 24 hours a day) and going for a run. I have only seen one other person while I have been out and I made sure I took the long way around them.

Be social

And finally. Just because you can’t take visitors doesn’t mean you can’t keep in contact with the world at large. Keep in contact with your friends on social media. Get onto face time with your family. Start a whatsapp group with your sponsor and other sober friends.

And keep sober 🙂

IWNDWYT