Step 8 AA – Making A List Of Who We Have Wronged

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed,
and became willing to make amends to them all.”

During step seven, you learned how to stop repeating unhelpful and destructive behaviours and to adopt healthier and helpful behaviours. You will build upon this decision during step 8, because this is the time where you will determine who you have harmed during your addiction. 

This post is part of a 15 part look into the 12 Step Program and how it can be used to help in alcohol addiction and recovery. The full 15 part book can be downloaded for free by Clicking Here

What Is Step 8?

Step eight involves identifying those you have hurt while you struggled with your addiction. Evidently, confronting that reality can be challenging for most, so it is important to keep seeking additional support if you find yourself triggered during step eight. 

How Do I Do Step 8?

There are several things involved in step eight. To ensure you have a full grasp on this step and how to execute it, we have described this step in a little more detail.

Determine how you hurt people: When you suffer from addiction, it is not uncommon to hurt many people in the process. Of course, hurting people can take many different forms. You could have stolen from a family member, you could have lied, or maybe you lashed out emotionally at those who tried to help you while you were an addiction sufferer?

One of the first things to do is to determine how you hurt people. This particular action will also give insight into yourself and could potentially bring to light more triggers. By determining how you have hurt people, you can also return to step seven if new behaviours come to light that you wish to avoid in the future. 

Make a list: Once you have determined how you have hurt people during your addiction, it is essential to make a list detailing all of these people and the ways in which they were impacted by your actions. This can be quite confronting, as the list can be long for most addiction sufferers. 

There is a reason why you make this list though. Not only will this benefit the relationships you have damaged along the way, it also teaches you some valuable lessons about yourself. Only by learning these lessons can you move on and avoid such behaviours in the future.

What Are Common Pitfalls And How Do I Avoid Them?

Much like with the other steps in the twelve-step program, there are some common pitfalls for step eight. Firstly, the twelve-step program can be a confronting one, as it does show some of the bad sides of yourself. Since humans naturally try to avoid discomfort, it is easy to encounter some pitfalls during step eight. However, we have lined up some tips for you on how to avoid them.

Do not get defensive: One of the most common pitfalls in step eight is trying to minimize your role by becoming defensive. Instead of looking at the faults in yourself, it is all too easy to find fault in others. So, do not blame people for how they treated you, seek forgiveness for others so that you can forgive yourself.

Look beyond the obvious: During step eight, you will discover some more flaws within yourself. During the previous steps, you already determined some of the more obvious flaws and triggers, but step eight may unearth some deeper and more complex flaws. Looking a little deeper into those can only benefit your recovery in the long term.

Do not judge: Character flaws and defects play a large role when you make a list of those you have hurt. Judging yourself and others too harshly will not get you far. If you judge yourself for the past, you can never profoundly move on from the things you have done. While it is vital to recognise the wrongs you have done, judging yourself over and over again will have the opposite effect. So, it is also important to forgive yourself now that you are making changes.

In addition to not judging yourself, you should also not judge others. It is easy to be critical of people in your environment. Some even start with the mistaken belief that other people are responsible for their addiction. Forgiving others and not judging other people is just as important as not judging yourself.

Mistaken beliefs: Some addiction sufferers claim that their addiction did not hurt anyone, but this is never the case. This is a phenomenon often referred to as “purposeful forgetting” within the AA. 

When you refuse to make yourself vulnerable and tackle all the steps with honesty, it is unlikely that the steps will be effective for you. Honesty and vulnerability are the cornerstones of the program, so by stating you have hurt nobody with your addiction you would be “purposefully forgetting”. It is essential to look deep within yourself and go far beneath the surface of your addiction. 

Obviously this step can be difficult, so do seek support from a trusted person if you find you are struggling to cope with some of the memories or character flaws that you will unearth. 

If you experience signs of severe depression or suicidal thoughts during your recovery, please mention this to someone as soon as possible. If you need to contact someone urgently, there are numerous services where you can seek help.

How Will I Know When I Am Ready To Move Onto Step 9?

Once you have been honest with yourself and created a list of the people you have hurt, you are well on your way towards step nine. It is important though to take the time you need, especially if you find more character flaws you did not discover in step seven. If this is the case, it can be a good idea to return to step seven and go through the step again to uncover more about the character defect you have found. 

When you feel you have been honest about the people you hurt and your list is complete, you can move onto step nine. Do not forget to specify how you have hurt the people on your list, as this provides you with valuable information about yourself.