This is absolutely normal. It happens to most people who quit drinking and you should know that it is not a reflection on who you are. It is a reflection on your friends, who you were when you were drinking and of the relationship itself. Not you.
More often that not what you will find when you quit the booze and get sober is that some of your “close” relationships are built solely on drinking. These are people that you meet up with and drink. First and foremost is the drinking, the social aspect comes a distant 2nd. So it only makes sense that once you lose the drinking that you lose the friend.
And this is not a bad thing
A friendship that is solely based on being in proximity to one another while you imbibe alcohol is not a real friendship.
“My Friendship wasn’t like that”
If your friendship wasn’t just about meeting up and getting drunk then it may be salvageable. Firstly you have to do some self reflection. Think about the most recent times you have hung out with your friend. Have you been different – sure you have been sober – but what has been different about your interactions?
A lot of people when they first get sober make everything they do all about that. The only thing they talk about is sobriety and they tend to go a bit far with the “making amends” step that is preached in AA. And sometimes they get a bit preachy about other people’s drinking.
It’s like that joke.
How do you know if someone is vegan/sober/into cross-fit/whatever?
Don’t worry they’ll tell you.
Just make sure you are not doing that. I appreciate you will be excited about your new found sobriety but other people will not share your level of enthusiasm and you may come across as judgey. Particularly important if your friends have their own troubled relationship with alcohol. They may see your sobriety as a judgement on them.
Try and get your friends together to do something fun but that doesn’t need to include alcohol. In the end all that really matters is that you keep sober, so if that means cutting out your friends then don’t be afraid to do so.
IWNDWYT – I will not drink with you today
Leave a Reply