When I used to drink it used to be very weird to meet someone out at a bar or a party who didn’t drink. It actually made me feel a bit uncomfortable and I would make any excuse to leave the conversation.
“What’s wrong with that guy? Is he not going to be super bored?”
Truth be told I couldn’t even fathom the idea that someone could go out and have fun without drinking. It was just inconceivable to me.
Why would you go out if you weren’t drinking. What would you do?!
Well now it’s me who is the sober one. I am the one at parties sticking to the waters.
And you know what?
I still have fun. I no longer need to drink to enjoy myself. I like spending time with my friends and my family with a clear head.
And so can you. It might take a few tries to get the hang of operating sober – and I am not saying you need to be the life and soul of the party. But you can still go out, and you can still enjoy yourselves, even if you stay sober. Plus there is significantly reduced risk of doing something you regret.
That is why in this post I am going to share 8 tips I have learned through the years to cope (and thrive) while sober at a party
Contents
1 – Don’t Go
Let’s start off with the easiest tip.
Just don’t go.
If you are worried that going to a party is going to put your sobriety at risk then don’t go.
I say it all the time: it is ok to be a little bit selfish when it comes to your sobriety.
If that means you have to say no to going to a party then that’s what you gotta do.
People will understand. You will find that people are a lot more understanding than we initially give them credit for.
Just let them know that you don’t feel that going to a party where alcohol is served at this time is right for you and your recovery.
Or if you don’t know them that well just say you can’t go and don’t give a reason.
But once you are more comfortable in your sobriety you will want to be able to go to parties without worrying about a relapse. With that in mind don’t worry we have some more tips for that.
2 – Have an Exit Strategy
Always know when and how you are leaving. But also be aware of how you can duck out early should the need arise.
If you are going to the party with someone else then make sure they are committed to the exit strategy as well. Consider taking seperate cars so that you are not reliant on another person wanting to leave at the same time as you.
3 – Prepare for an Onslaught of Questions
“Why aren’t you drinking”
“How long have you not been drinking”
“How much did you used to drink”
“Are you sure you’re not pregnant” (I’m a man and I still get that one)
“What was your usual drink”
“What’s the most you’ve ever drank”
“Do you go to meetings”
“Did you get a DUI is that why you’re not drinking”
And many many more.
It is in people’s nature to ask questions and you will likely be a novelty to people. When I go to parties I know that I am often the only person there who is of age and not drinking so I do kind of stick out.
Now that I have been sober for a while I don’t actually mind these questions. It’s only when people go on and on about it that it starts to annoy me. When that happens I just say “listen can we talk about something else” and that usually moves the conversation along.
You might need to be direct with some people and explicitly say you don’t want to talk about your sobriety with them. Some people just don’t get the hint.
With these people I give them a chance and tell them I don’t want to talk about it any more. Then if they continue to press I simply walk away. It is not rude to leave a conversation that you have said you don’t want to have. They were being rude continuing to press.
Either way just make sure you know that there will be questions and think about how you are going to handle that.
4 – Prepare for Peer pressure
I split this out from the questions tip above because I think peer pressure is different. Asking questions is one thing but actively trying to get you to drink is another.
But it happens. A lot.
Often it will be people who don’t know any better and don’t realise that drinking was a seriously issue for you. With these people a simple “No – and stop asking” should be enough.
However there will be other people who push it a bit too far.
You will find that the people who take it too far are also the people who drink too much themselves. I’m not a psychologist but it’s probably a case of being in denial about their own drinking and lashing out at others.
Make sure you remember that these people exist and that you might be unlucky enough to run into them. The best course of action I have found is to ignore them. Failing that is to get safety in numbers. If other people are around to see them behaving like an ass then they are less likely to do so.
5 – Check in With Your Sponsor
Sponsors are a big thing in AA groups. After learning from the big book and following the 12-step program getting a sponsor is one of the core philosophies.
Simply put a sponsor is a sobriety mentor. If you have a sponsor then you should definitely let them know that you are heading to a party where there will be alcohol and ask that they check in with you throughout the day/evening.
If you have a good sponsor they will also be able to tell you if they think you are ready for a party in the first place.
When you are at the party you should always keep in mind that you can step out at any time and give your sponsor a call.
If you don’t have a sponsor then try talking with a close friend or relative. Let them know you might want to speak with them during the party and see if they are open to being ‘on call’ as it were.
6 – Remember your Reasons
Everyone has their own reasons for quitting drinking. For some it is because drinking was causing health issues. For others it was impacting relationships with friends and family. Perhaps money reasons drove you to quit.
The reality is that the true driver for you quitting is probably a little bit of all of those reasons and some others.
You had a drinking problem and you decided to quit.
When you are at a party and are being tempted into drinking remember your reasons for quitting.
Pro tip: Write down your reasons and take them with you so you can read through them when you feel tested
7 – Picture the Alternative
If you weren’t at this party sober where would you be? Probably at this party drinking, right?
How do you think that would go? I know if it was me then it would mean some pre-drinks before the party. Then slamming back a lot more drinks than anyone else once I was at the party.
I would definitely be the last one to leave and there would probably be some drinking alone if I couldn’t find anyone to drink with me afterwards.
Plus there is a near certain chance that I would say or do something embarassing or regretful while I was drunk.
That’s just how it goes and is why I no longer drink.
So when you are at a party and are starting to question your decision to remain sober just think about what it will be like if you drink.
8 – Have Fun
This is how I dance when sober via GIPHY
It is a party after-all. So there’s no drinking what else is there to do?
I’m not the most outgoing person in the world so I always try to eye up a pool table and hang around there.
If there’s no pool table I look around for any other activities.
Worst case scenario I just find a quiet corner, grab a few of my friends and just shoot the breeze. If I can’t find a few friends at a party why am I even there!?
The key thing is to stop relating alcohol with fun. Alcohol doesn’t make things fun. You make them fun. If you need alcohol to enjoy something then do you really actually enjoy it? – Tweet This
That’s all the tips I have for now. If you have any tips for enjoying a party without drinking please reply in the comments below. If not then take it easy and…
IWNDWYT – I will not drink with your today.
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