Change is new. Change is the unknown. Change is scary.
Stopping drinking is a change. And it is hard. And it is definitely scary.
It is these fears that often prevent us from taking that first step and just saying “enough”. I know it took me years to come to terms with my drinking. I knew for a long time that I should stop but something was not letting me take that quitting step. Looking back now it is obvious I was afraid. Afraid of the unknown.
In this post we are going to look at what scares us the most about quitting drinking and how we can dispel these fears.
1 – I’m afraid I will become boring
2 – I’m afraid life will become boring
These together I call the boredom one-two punch. Starting with the left-hand jab of a fear of becoming boring. And rounding off with the right cross of life being boring.
Boring You
I don’t know about you but when I see a drunk guy being loud and making a fool of himself I don’t think “Wow that guy sure is interesting”.
No I just think “what a clown”.
If you think being drunk makes you interesting then you are dead wrong. You might be more reserved when you are sober (less dancing on the tables) but that doesn’t mean boring.
Alcohol lowers your inhibitions – which inevitably leads to doing things you regret. But it also leads to some pretty epic adventures. The first time I went sky diving was because I booked and paid for it while I was drunk.
(Damn was I pissed at myself when I woke up that next day)
Sober me would never have booked that, but it turned out to be one of the most exhilarating things I’ve ever done. When I became sober I forced myself to be more adventurous. I tried to think of what drunk me would do – removed the stupid ideas – and went with that.
The trick I found to keeping life interesting was to step outside of my comfort zone more often. The more I pushed myself the more fun I had. Eventually it stopped being about stepping out of my comfort zone as my life is now exciting enough without having to push myself!
If you are nervous start small. Try a new style of restaurant. Take a walk in a new area. Pick up a new hobby. Dance like no-one is watching
Boring life
If what you are doing is no longer fun without alcohol was it ever really fun to begin with?
Think about it. Was the activity you were doing fun or were you just entertained by the alcohol?
There’s no shame in saying the alcohol.
I found when I quit drinking that my afternoons down the pub became instantly boring. I thought the sports on the T.V and the conversation was what kept me coming back. But no, it was the alcohol.
So yes if you continue doing the same things and expecting them to be the same level of fun then your life might become boring.
But who said you have to do the same things now that you are sober? Now that you are not tied to certain locations (alcohol selling locations) you are free to do whatever you want.
Make your life as interesting as you want it to be.
Here’s some tips to get you started from the guys over at Alux:
3 – I’m afraid if I have to stop it means I am an alcoholic
Making the choice to stop drinking is NOT admitting you are an alcoholic (a term I hate by the way). Many people stop drinking for many different reasons.
All you need to tell yourself is that without alcohol your life will be better. It is as simple as that.
You never hear vegans say they are ex-meat eaters.
People who quit smoking don’t call themselves smokeaholics
Don’t think of it as quitting drinking. Think of it as starting sobriety.
4 – I’m afraid people will treat me differently if I tell them I am an alcoholic.
See above re: the term “alcoholic”.
After reading the previous entry this fear should be “I’m afraid of what people will say when I tell them I am not drinking anymore”.
First of all. Why tell them anything? The only people I told when I stopped drinking were my family and really close friends.
Everyone else I just gave non-committal or evasive answers:
“Want to come for a drink?” – No thanks
“Are you not drinking today?” – Nope
“Is that just a coke?” – Yup
“Why?” – Just because…How about this weather we’ve been having?
It’s up to me who I tell and what I tell them. It’s OK to be a little selfish when it comes to your sobriety. (Tweet This)
Obviously the cat will get out of the bag eventually. People will start to talk and some will just figure it out themselves. Not all of these people will react positively. I find this is more a reflection of that person’s own relationship with alcohol than any issue they have with mine. I.e. they are projecting their own problems onto you.
How to deal with these negative people?
Fuck them
(not literally)
Are they really your friend/loved one if they are not supportive of you? Cut them out of your life until they have dealt with their own issues. Make no mistake these are their issues and not yours.
5 – I’m afraid I would lose all my friends
You will not lose any friends. Only drinking proximity acquaintances.
Your real friends are the ones who you will still see when you are sober. The friends you can do other non-drinking activities with. The friends that you are happy to sit with while they drink (and you stick to the water) as the conversation still maintains your interest.
The people who fall by the wayside when you stop drinking are not your friends. They probably never were. Just people you drank with.
6 – I’m afraid that I will fail
Craig Beck, author of ‘Alcohol Lied to Me’ (available free here if you sit through his presentation), says it best in the below video:
“If you are afraid of stopping drinking in case you fail. By staying in that place you are guaranteeing you’re going to get the outcome you’re most afraid of.”
My take on failure is this.
So what?
So you tried to quit drinking and failed.
So what?
Is anything really different now than it was before? Have you actually lost anything?
No. You tried to do something and hit a setback.
Try again. Try as many times as you need until you get it right. I slipped a few times before I got on the path I am on today. You may fail, but you are only really a failure if you give up.
7 – I’m afraid I don’t know how
Read. And read some more. Read about the 12 steps. Read about cold turkey. Read about tapering. Read how I quit drinking. Read /r/stopdrinking. Read Allen Carr’s Easy Way. Read about treatment programs.
Read all there is to read. Learn all there is to learn. And then IMPLEMENT.
Take what you think will work for you and start with it. If you fail. Pick yourself back up, read some more and try again.
8 – I’m afraid everything will change.
Yes it will. And it will be great.
I promise you. It will be great.
Very insightful and helpful article.