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The author wished to remain anonymous.
Hey, I am Brian. I am 23 years old and proud to have remained clean for the past three years. My story is very similar to many teenagers out here who try to seek recognition and respect from their peers.
I drank alcohol for the first time during my friend’s party. I was fifteen at the time. The party was this flashy, rich kid fair so I felt I did not really fit in with my “superior” friends. They had so much confidence in them and would approach pretty much anyone without hesitation. I was not good as they save for being bright in class. I was nobody out of class; some renegade maybe? I was not obliged to drink but I really felt like escaping that reality at the moment. So, I moved to the kitchen, took a cup and filled half with some alcohol. It was bitter but ironically I felt like I needed the pain even more. Ten minutes later everything seems blurry. Music seemed louder and I could feel everybody was happy. I am told I just laughed and danced all night.
The next week at school was hilarious. I was not a loner anymore. Classmates would make fun of how I was dancing drunk that day but I really liked that. At least somebody would talk to me about matters that did not relate to school work. Mind you, I was new to that school. I was a couple of months in but had not made any real friends. So the next weekend I went to the fridge, picked some of my fathers’ gin and ran to the room, shut the door and drank it. I was high and happy again. I took my phone and called one of my homies. I asked for numbers of girls in our neighborhood. I would call them one by one and without cringing, I would ask for a meet up the next week. This is something I would have peed in my pants if I was sober. Something funny: I never met the two or three girls I had called. I guess they knew I was drunk and tried to avoid me. With my party “friends” we decided to go out into the woods on Fridays and drink some beer. So each Friday I had to have some bucks with me to facilitate the beer purchase. After the small party in the woods, I would walk home happy (I did not stagger at all), greet anybody on the way home and doze off all this repeats for each week.
Now one and half years in I was hooked. I was not drinking in minion situations any more. I could drink anytime anywhere. I would stash some for school then go about drinking on the ablution blocks. I had considered alcohol a friend who I could call upon each time I wanted. My need for alcohol grew stronger each day. I hated my drinking habits but It seemed that I could not do anything about it. I looked older than I was at that age. My health was really disorienting since I would complain of having sharp stomach aches. I really grew distant from my parents since I never involved them in my school work because I was getting really bad grades. I had several Ds at the time and would really get upset if anybody would question my grades. I was depressed. I knew I was hitting rock bottom when I almost hit my mother. I had lied that we were having class projects in school and that some circuit parts were to be purchased. Yes, I was given the amount and I went back to drink with the money. I spent a good chunk of the day drinking but this time I passed out. Apparently one of my friends called my mother saying “come pick this ugly drunkard of yours”. I woke up in my room with my mother beside my bed asking what was wrong with me. She suggested if I could help myself, I should look for a rehabilitation center where I would get help like other alcoholics. I was really furious. I almost swung a punch. I was living in denial.
Memory of the moment was really traumatic to me. I never thought I was able to lay a finger on my parents. I knew something was really going wrong in my head. I choose to be clean for some time until I have my head clear again. It wasn’t a good ordeal; I had a shaky arm. I would feel pain in my head almost every day. I was really dehydrated most of the time with blood shot eyes. I had insomnia and my breathing was not at all normal. It was just me struggling with my addiction; I never talked to anyone. My anxiety levels were very high and would be anxious on pretty much anything that seemed challenging to m., Few weeks into I lost the battle I could not do it anymore . I felt sickly and after a sip or two of alcohol I was well again. Now there is me a slave to alcohol. Now I was dependent on alcohol. The same summer I carried my stash as usual this time I was caught drinking and taken to probation thereafter was sent away.
Now dropping out of school was really imminent. I had no money by then which I think saved me from running away from home since I had no money for the bus. My parents were really concerned. They would try to talk to me, sometimes call counselors to my place to talk me out of it. However, I had not put my mind to quitting it. I felt like I was stuck in it. Not that I did not want to but because I did not Know what to do. I was still trying to figure out this new me. In the past two years I was perceived as street smart and a bold guy who always had his way around things but now nothing like that seemed to be the case. There was me dependent an alcoholic on the verge of withdrawal the second time listening motivation and talks lest I would kill myself. My life was a big mess and seemingly I could do nothing about it. This I think was the really rock-bottom I had hit.
I remember one morning; it was during summer break. I woke up early and prepared breakfast for everyone. After we sat down, I asked them to help me seek help. I had mentally sunken and suicide seemed a better option. They were really happy I could see their smiles broaden. They told me to look for a center I would be comfortable with and as soon as I get one, I should enroll in. So, I found this seventy-day program which was offered around our town. I rode to that place and picked some pamphlets, admission letters and financial letters. I went home and read through the data given. I was convinced I would at least be better off at the place than at home. Two days later I was enrolled in my program; sobriety program.
At the beginning of the treatment, I was angry in denial because I was not sure that I had sunken to a point I need facility care to pull myself up. I was given a book called Atomic Habits which I can’t really remember the author. It was a really small book but to me it was a life changer. I learnt how bad habits are formed, what are its cues and how bad habits are rewarded. However, I also learnt Good habits, how to make them desirable, how to keep the cues on check and so forth. The book also teaches how to break habits you have formed! We were a bunch of teenagers at the place and during round chair talks I could really feel the pain in the words of my comrades as they explained why they had chosen sobriety. I could relate to their words. This gave hope that if people with similar stories with mine are working towards a better life I should do so. Now I was focused on slashing days on my calendar as they passed. I wrote a ton of affirmation to keep my brain in check because honestly my body was not liking the adjustment.
It was during the summer break so you can guess my friends would stop by to talk to me. But that was never the case. It was only my parents who came during weekends. I guess that was all I needed. 40 days in now I was happy , happy like really happy. I had taken medication for gastronomical pains I was having now there were no more. Headaches were not as frequent. I was no longer taking alcohol substitutes. My mind was very clear. That was like the best thing that had ever happened to me. The old bright kid was back with bang!
I was discharged on the seventieth day. I looked at myself in the mirror, I was different than I was before. My eyes were less red and I wasn’t as pale as I was. My eyes were no longer sunken and my lips wasn’t that sore. I knew assimilating back to the community was going to be a problem but I held my head straight and chose to put myself. I was never going to give in to alcohol again and any perception a person would have about me because of that was his /her problem. I had follow- up sessions every Fortnight and during the time would go back to talk with people who were still in there just to give them solidarity and listen to them. They were friends and to this date we are keeping tabs on each other like brothers and sisters.
I went to another school after the summer break. I chose to make amends myself for myself and also those around me. I joined a peer educators’ program and would really advocate against drug abuse. Yes, I was a new kid but I got a chance to interact with like minded friends. People who I could learn from. I would go out of my way to learn poster making skills so that I could have posters around the school encouraging people to seek help. I chose to tell my story so that I can keep my accountability in check. I was really clear to my peers and would really instill some lessons I had learnt. Soon my initiative was funded by random people who saw what I was doing. That was a milestone. The school hired a counselor who was to entirely tackle alcohol and drug abuse cases. Age 19 I was done with senior high school, I joined University with a nice grade. I chose a nice course which I am doing my last year right now. To this date I still believe a copy of Atomic habits is better than any Ted Talk or Harvey talks.
Now I am 23 years old and grateful for recovery from addiction. It has been 3Now I anticipate each day to be a blessing because some few years ago that was not the case. I am forever grateful to my parents. They really stood with me as I was battling this monster. I never regret being an alcoholic since I learnt so much more life lessons in the process than I had ever and probably would never in future. If you have a similar story as mine, remember the decision entirely lies on you. Accept you have a problem and speak out before it eats you up. For me I waited to hit rock bottom but you can do better than me. Look out for your friends having the same problem. I hope someday I will start a recovery center to provide access to these services to people who are alcoholics. If not, I can be able to reach out to people even on social media. We talk about this matter because it is important.
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