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The author who sent this story to us wished to remain anonymous
4 years and 2 months. That’s how long it’s been since I last drank. Believe me when I say this: it was not easy. It was a bumpy road with lots of ups and downs. But I got through it in the end. And you can too.
It all started when I was 19. My first year at university. I remember my first day, thinking ‘This year is going to be awesome’. I couldn’t have been more wrong. At first it was great. I was going to parties every week, playing video games until the early hours of the morning and eating as much junk food as I liked. I was just about keeping on top of the work. Soon, Christmas came around, and there were lots of parties going on. Which also meant lots of alcohol and drugs. But there was this one party I still remember today.
It was a big one, at this swish house and it had everything you would expect. But I didn’t expect to wake up the next morning in a police cell. Apparently I had got really drunk, and when some cops came round after the neighbours complained, I was caught red-handed doing drugs in the front garden. Soon, I was kicked out of university, and was forced to get a job. The only places that would take me paid minimum wage. Still, I didn’t have a choice. Fast forward a year, I was doing a little better. I was in control of myself a lot more, I was renting a comfy flat, and even had a girlfriend.
I was driving back from work one evening, and it was pitch black and raining hard. I was frustrated after a long day at work and I had a thumping headache. I drove through the high street, eager to get home. Suddenly a young girl stepped out into the road. I slammed my brakes on but there was just not enough time to react. I waited for the police to come and the ambulance. I was breathalyzed on the side of the road and eventually allowed to go home.
I struggled to sleep that night, my mind wondering what happened to the girl. I must have hit her at 30mph. I woke up the next morning and one of the stories on the news was that a girl had been hit last night on the high street. Hit and run they said it was – which wasn’t true but made me feel bad all the same. She was in a critical condition. I felt numb. What had I done? Later that day they announced that she had passed away.
Did I cause this? It was ruled an accident but I can’t help think could I have done something differently? Should I have been going slower (I was already 10 miles under the speed limit due to the weather)? Did she not see my lights?
The next few weeks were a blur for me. I can’t really remember much. It was just getting up, drinking, going to work, and then drinking more. I didn’t want to remember. But it was so hard, especially driving past a bunch of flowers laid out where I had hit her. Then I lost my job. I was drunk on duty. So now I just sat at home drinking all day, miserable. I wanted to make it better, but I knew it was already too late. Soon after my girlfriend left me as well. It was like one of those t-shirts you see, where it says ‘Eat, Sleep, Game, Repeat’, or something else instead of ‘game’. Except for me it was just ‘drink and sleep’, and the occasional eat.
It was only when I went to the off-licence one day did I realise how bad of a state I was in. I went to pay for my next 6-pack, but my card was declined. I tried my other card. It turns out I had no money left. This left me wondering. I knew my life had gone down the toilet, but I had to try and fix it. So I stopped drinking alcohol. Not just because I had very little money left, but also because I wanted to improve my life. I started going to meetings at my local church. But it wasn’t easy. I had lots of sleepless nights, craving for a drink. I got another job. I read books and articles about how people had quit drinking. I all started to help me a little, that reassurance that I can get better. I began to find that if I focused my mind on other tasks, for example work, I would think less and less about wanting to drink. Soon I was one week sober. Then two weeks. Three weeks. One month. With each week going by, it felt as if I was scoring a little victory. And it felt good, knowing that I was improving.
I tried to see my success in the future, just like athletes do in sport. Where would I be in 3 months? I imagined myself leading a normal life. Going to work, having lunch with colleagues, coming home, making dinner, going for a walk, sleeping without waking up in a pool of sweat, craving a drink. That’s what I hoped for, anyway.
Over the next few years things kept getting better and better. I got myself a better job in accounting, and I had also shed a lot of excess weight I had gained from drinking. One thing I found that particularly helped me was going for jogs early in the morning. Not only did this help me to lose weight, but it was relaxing because of how quiet it was, and it helped me focus, and by the time I got home I was fully awake and ready to start my day. Another method I have used that I found (although many people consider it to be ‘cringey’) is looking in the mirror when you wake up and say aloud to yourself: ‘I will not drink today’. And I say that five times. To me it really helped, but I know that some won’t find this useful. The thing about all of these ‘how to quit drinking’ guides, is that no person is exactly the same. So if you follow the advice in there, what I found is that some of it doesn’t work. So my advice would just be to try everything, and if you are unsure, talk to someone. Just remember, you can quit drinking.
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