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The very first mind altering drug I ever did was nitrous oxide, or as my dentist would refer to as; laughing gas. I would almost be happy to have cavities because I would look forward to that big rubber nose they would place on top of my actual nose. They would tell me to breath only with my mouth and to not inhale through the nose. Needless to say, I would rely solely on the airflow of my nostrils as I took every bit of the inhalent I consciously could. It would come up fast and I would find myself in the dentist chair spinning in circles a hundred miles an hour. It would spin and spin as each sound wave would penetrate my ear drums shooting an echoed muffled sound around me in a infinite black space of nothingness until it landed on a giant chess board which appeared out of no where and that’s where they would unfortunately always ended the fun. I’d say that this was most certainly my gateway drug and although I may have been happy to have been told I had cavities so that I could experience this wacky state of mind, my mother and father on the other hand most certainly weren’t.
It wasn’t much longer and much sooner then I thought when I was a teenager. It felt like an eternity oddly too. The first night I smoked a cigarette which was a stolen Pall Mall blue out of my friend Alex’s mother’s pack when I was just twelve years old or so. That same night I had panty raided a girl. I had no idea that after which I was going to find myself crying until I went to sleep because that poor sixteen year old girl who lived next door to my Alex, did not deserve to have two sick perverted little boys break into her room through her window when she was away where ever she was away at that night. That night I learned a life lesson I will never forget but not quite explain that still sticks with me.
Alex was my best friend growing up as a teenager and we would always hang out. He lived ten miles away but that never stopped me from riding my bike there or even walking sometimes. He on the hand would usually avoid such exhausting voyages as he was a little bigger then me and didn’t feel as up to it like my scrawny self would be. One time me and Alex did ride our bikes to a town called Trashland that was located ten miles also so that he could buy a ‘M’ rated game for me. We were both only fifteen at the time but Alex had a beard and despite our age, he wouldn’t get asked for his identification.
I smoked my first joint at age fifteen with Alex in his backyard late one night. His mom called us inside right after and I was stoned and scared she was going to be able to tell. I thought I was going to die when I finally made it through her security into my friends room where I ate food all night as if there was no such thing as getting full.
That same year and age I drank what was soon to be one of my biggest problems and that was alcohol. Well, wine to be specific. I was spinning in circles acting like a clown and had refilled the rest of the wine bottle back with water because I couldn’t let my mom notice. Soon after, me and a friend from the Catholic church we went to who was also named Alex but for the sake of lessening confusion, we will call Greg; began trading beers, cocaine, Vicodin, psilocybin mushrooms and the like after church outside by our parents car while everyone was still inside socializing after mass. Greg’s mom hated me because she seemed to think I was Satan or something, though I never really cared.
Now, whenever I was a child, it was never a life of luxury aside from the laughing gas. I watched my mom get the shit beat out of her several times and it hurt. My mother filed for divorce when I was sixteen and I probably should of mentioned the fact that I was homeschooled before but I went from being homeschooled to public school.
My mom moved to a town called Blandsville in West Virginia and I lived with my dad in Trashland, Ohio. This moment in my life was one of the hardest parts of my life. I missed my mom being around so much that I do believe it was a heavy influence that took a turn for the worst in my life. I was recording and writing a lot of music and I even recorded a few albums dedicated to this.
My dad put our old house we loved in newspaper listed as for sale as my drug use started to get worst and worst. My one brother moved to London, England and got married to a British lady. My second brother moved in with a lady in Orlando, Florida and she treated him like complete shit and I know that he was losing his mind too. My only little sister chose to live in West Virginia with my mom and every time she would come around, I would lose a friend of mine in Ohio because they would always chase my sister around and cross me.
I started using the drug dextro-amphetamine very habitually and I would stay awake two or three days at a time quite regularly for a couple years.
Eventually, I moved to my mom’s with my sister and my mother’s new boyfriend named John in West Virginia to finish high school. Apparently school in West Virginia was easier and that was rightfully so because I graduated with ease. I even had a girlfriend sometime in there but she didn’t last, and she cheated on me a gazillion times unfortunately. I never quite understood why someone would cheat.
During the summer whenever I was twenty years old and staying with my dad’s for the summer time, I had got accepted into a college in Fairmont, WV to live.
Something Inside me said that I should pick up drinking alcohol as my new favorite drug. Speed and I haven’t mentioned that over-the-counter cough medicine containing the chemical dextromethorphan were my current favorites. Don’t ask me the cough medicine was but I was bad on the stuff. I began drinking heavy while at my dad’s before I had to move to the school in Fairmont and just about every single night while my dad was at work, I would have about ten to twenty people over and throw big parties outside in my dad’s barn. The barn eventually coined the name, ‘Tayler Pitmint’a Party Barn.’
I would slice my arm open and once even saw the bone, put cigarettes out in my arm, climb the T.V. antenna and hang at the top with one arm or sway it back and forth, bust windows out with my fist spraying blood everyone, pour gasoline on fire, start a fight with everyone; I had completely lost it at this point.
Finally though, I moved into a college dorm at the end of the summer by myself. I made a best friend named Trav there the first day by asking if he was old enough to purchase alcohol. We went and got a Maddog 20/20 each down the road and drank them behind a dumpster. Trav and I were an odd duo to be best friends to say the least. Trav was a black guy located from the West side of Washington D.C. in the ghetto and was very street smart and smoked two very large size blunts at a time . One time me and him broke in a dorm window and stole a laptop and later sold it at a pawn shop after I took the password off.
My drinking got worst and I would constantly wake up with a fat lip or a black eye. It was almost always rough and I hated in.
Eventually, I got kicked out of that college at the end of my first semester after getting a couple underage drinking charges and jail time. I never saw Trav again. I sometimes sit and wonder what happened to him and realistically I feel like he probably ended up going to prison for something like armed robbery. He would always tell me stories of things he did in D.C. and would tell me about the racist cops and how his friends would of probably honestly killed me just for being white.
I jumped around from Ohio at my dad’s to my mom’s in West Virginia a lot. My drinking got worst and my cough medicine use was spiraling out of control. I went to a twenty-eight day rehab program for the cough medicine but I never took it seriously. At this point, Alcohol Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous started becoming normal things I was being forced into doing.
I moved to Florida whenever I was twenty-three with my brother and that is where I had completely lost it. I decided I no longer wanted to be alive on this planet. Low key, I started to lightweight try to kill myself every day by doing things taking cottons inside benzedrex inhalers and eating them thirty coricidin pills. I lived in constant anxiety.
Eventually one night whenever my brother wasn’t home, I snapped. I took 4mg Xanax and 20mg Ambien and started blanking out. Then I drank a five ounce bottle of delsym and walked to a Walmart and stole thirty-two coricidin.
While walking out of the store, the alarms went off and I ran from Walmart police and hid in a burger king bathroom and took them all. I had also drank a four Loko.
I walked home to my brothers and that is where the first time I died at. I woke up three days later in a orange gown and had to be watched twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week for fifteen days until they transferred me into a psychiatric ward where I stayed for three days.
I have been to two of these places but had stopped because I learnt out of probably one hundred hospital visits for overdoses that whenever they ask if you want to harm yourself or tried to, you got to lie to avoid that part. When I got out of the one in Orlando, I had no shoes and just a bus pass. Having no idea where I was, I sat on the bus for around six hours drinking cough medicine again until I saw a street that had looked familiar. I will never forget the hell of all of that.
My brother finally kicked me out one day because he could no longer put up with my bullshit, and I was in Orlando with no where to go. My mom was worried and called the police on me and the police found me and gave me a ride to a Grey Hound bus station. There was one problem with this situation, I didn’t have a bus ticket. I had to have a strange lady pay three hundred dollars for a ticket so I could go home.
I moved in with my grandma in Creston, Ohio and my uncle lived there. His name was Larry. I began using a needle and doing heroin. After overdosing in someone’s lawn and suffering from kidney and liver failure and a leaky valve in the hospital, I stopped doing heroin mostly. A cop had found me face first in someone’s lawn in the middle of the of the night and had saved me. I still dabbled in it from time to time after that.
I went back to my dad’s and that’s when I started doing meth amphetamine. I started snorting it and that was my preferred route for a whole year. I had lost my mind during the year and eventually I was a twenty-six year old adult and I was about to be homeless. That is when I checked into a long term rehab. It was that or the streets.
After being in a rehab in Wooster, OH, they caught me drinking the cough medicine and kicked me out and sent me to another rehab in Massillon, OH. There, I had done a line of meth and drank a bottle of cough medicine and I had a reaction where I couldn’t pee.
For some reason, the staff in the middle of the night decided that they were going to drug test me, and I was not going to pass, but I was also not going to be able to pee. They staff tortured me and I believe that to this day. They didn’t believe me my bladder wasn’t allowing me to pee and forced me to drink water for three hours until I had to pee so badly that it had to come out but not normally at all. Then, they purposely messed the drug test so that I had to do it all over. I sat for another two hours and I lost it and told them to go fuck themselves.
That next morning during a morning chant type thing, I still could not pee and a staff member was yelling at me and I ran out of the room and had a massive panic attack I couldn’t breathe and ambulances had to come and I was being kicked out of there. Did I mention the fact that it was Christmas day and the drug testing was Christmas Eve?
One of the weirdest things happened a few hours after my panic attack. Someone I was in rehab a couple months prior who had gotten kicked out randomly called because, God had told him to. To this day that will always puzzle me and I have never been a very spiritual person. That is scary that it happened though and he had no idea any of that had happened.
When I left aftering being kicked out of there,I had moved into a sober living house. And that is where I met a girl named, Binkee. Binkee was a black girl has been with me since.
I started doing meth again but even worst though. I have been using with a syringe this time around and I have been for a year and a half. I have been in Canton, OH and that is where I am at now. I really want to quit but I have not quite gotten there. I have to quit because I feel it taking a toll on me. Something deep down tells me I am going to, though. And that there will be another part of this that is good news. I cannot wait to write that part and I am sorry to anyone who wanted a happier ending. I will be back.
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